The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo
by Sakura Sango
Summary: A balding man's quest to find a maiden to boil for Hitens hair potion and the wackyness that occures as the women try to stay away better summary inside
1. Intro

Hey there everyone!!!

Ok, This is a totally random story that was invented by several different tvtomers on the Inuyasha board. It is a several chapter one-shot. Several chapters because of the length of it...

Summary:: A balding man's quest to find a maiden to boil down so he can make Hiten's special hair growing potion. And the randomness that happens as all potential maidens try to stay away. Hmmm, for some odd reason no one wants to get boiled down (wonder why)??!!

Collective authors for this random story::

SakuraSango, IDontKnow (aka IDK), Faewillow, UltimateCreature2, M.A.S.K. Fan, Hieis girl, Gamergirl, Pizza the hut, StarGazer, KitsuneYoukai, CeeKari, brightstar, DarkBlazer, WindSpirit, Darlkana, Pnkx and characters from random other animes...

And of course from the cast of InuYasha- Yura, Naraku, Kanna, Kagura, InuYasha, Sesshomaru, Myoga,

Background note- Also this started out with reactions to an internet site- the site was a summary that someone had done about a supposedly future episode where Kagome and Inuyasha ::ahem:: get together And the horror that the tvtomers feel about it...

And with that on with the story...hope you like it as much as we liked writing it...

::_Note_:: No animals were harmed in the making of The Hair Hullabaloo'- though IDontKnow was in the hospitable for several months...

Disclaimer- We own nothing but our own twisted minds, unless you wanna own our minds you no sue...

-actions- '_thoughts_' (time span or different place or new characters appearing)


	2. Chapter 1

**IDontKnow**- UltimateCreature2 I went to the site address you posted...weird! The only thing that puzzles me is, if they ever do get around to doing it, will INUYASHA sink as fast as MOONLIGHTING did?

-picturing Kagome as Cybil Shepherd and Inuyasha as Bruce Willis-

AAAAAAAAAH! Please! Somebody get that image out of my head! And quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-IDontKnow stumbles to his medicine cabinet in search of Aspirin and an icepack!-

**M.A.S.K. Fan** - WHOA! What episode is this??? I MUST see it for myself

**SakuraSango**- Yeah I got the address. YIKES!!!!

-runs to IDontKnow with a huge mallet- Here I'll hit u with this and the image will fall out. Hmmm, last time I hit someone it took 5 mins. but that was with a plunger...how about 5 hits?

-stops and realizes it's all Ultimate Creatures fault-

-grabs a huge mallet and runs after Ultimate Creature-

**IDontKnow**- Excuse me, did I miss something? I go away for a while and come back and SakuraSango is threatening to hit me with a mallet just because I read about Inuyasha and Kagome

_oh! There's that image again!'_

SakuraSango, please, knock me unconscious! And while we're at it, thank you for not hitting me with a plunger, I do not like to think where that might have been!

_Oh no! Another image! Hit me! Hit me now! Pleasssssssssssse!_'

**SakuraSango**- -stops chasing ultimate creature and starts after IDK- Where do you wanna get hit...top of the head or the back... -waves the mallet around-

**Hieis girl**-...........wave that Mallet....SakuraSango

**SakuraSango**- -waves the mallet even more- IDK where do u want me to hit ya...

**UltimateCreature2**- -smacks SakuraSango with her mallet knocking her out-

**IDontKnow**- WHY DID YOU SMACK SAKURASANGO with the Big Mac of Mallets UC? She was trying to deliver me of a hideous image, stuck in my head! Now, all I will be able to see is...is Kagome and Inuyasha... oh the horror!

-Takes mallet from UC and bashes own head.-

-The unconscious IDK is now profoundly happy! _OH NO! Even unconscious it is still stuck in here! AAAAAAAUUGH!'_-

**SakuraSango**-, -rubs her head- God that hurts...man everyone's against me head...

-falls down face first- nighty night

**Faewillow**- I must be part cat because all the noise made me curious... I went and read, and I have to wonder if whoever typed that description also talks without punctuation. To offer one of my fave Python quotes: MY BRAIN HURTS! -passes out-

**IDontKnow**- -still unconscious-

-struggling hard to remove the image from his mind, temporarily taken off-line by the giant mallet of SakuraSango (no relation to the Giant Hatchet of Gaetenmaru, I don't think!) by softly humming songs to himself...unfortunately, he can only access two since the mallet did such damage: These Dreams (go on when I close my eyes) by Heart, and Sweet Dreams Are Made of This by the Eurythmics...neither one of which help AT ALL to get this vision out of my head! LOL-

**SakuraSango**- -wakes up- God Ultimate Creature what did I do to u...

-reaches behind her- feel the wrath of my plunger!! -pulls out a broken plunger- Oh that's right I broke it hitting Hieis girl...oh well...I'm gonna find some ice...

**gamergirl**- play nice children -rolls eyes- Did someone start a bakafest and didn't tell me?

**UltimateCreature2**- Were not bakas you are.

**gamergirl**- -points to everyone else- yes ... you all are bakas

**SakuraSango**- HEY!!! I'm not a baka....Ultimate creature is..............

**IDontKnow**- GG I am not Baka. I am just and OLD Inuyasha fan who, through no fault of his own, has become involved in the fight of his life...I am lucky to have survived this long, with my brain still in the wash (oh, sorry that's another thread! LOL) in the meantime, allow me to give you one thing in parting GG...

-IDK pulls out a giant water pistol and lets GG have a blast right between the eyes-

Now you're in on it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SakuraSango**- GG u r wrong...I'm not a baka and IDontKnow isn't one...

**Darlkana**- I go away for a while and everyone is having fun lol...I want to join the fun too...

-crosses arms pouts like a little child- Well, I guess there's nothing to do other than-

-stands up a table with a microphone in hand and starts singing off tune very badly- "I want to change the world..." hehehe

**SakuraSango**- -grabs IDK's huge water pistol and shoot Darlkana-

There now your part of it...

**faewillow**- -wakes up to ask-

um... I think I know this, but what's a Baka? Does that mean idiot?

**SakuraSango**- yep it does- at least I'm pretty sure it does-...'n I'm not one..........

**Gamergirl**- baka stupidass, moron, idiot, dumbass, etc

**Faewillow**-'k, thanx for the info

**IDontKnow**-Hey!!!!!!!!!!! SakuraSango, that water pistol was full of my secret hair restoring formula I got it from Hiten's estate after I filed a writ under the Freedom of Information Act!

Now darlkana is going to be covered with all of MY beautiful hair, and I will NEVER have enough coverage on my cranium to attract cortices!

Oh the horror!

-IDK hands Darlkana a razor and a can of shaving cream- Here, take this, I understand that potion is potentially potent, so you may need these!

My poor fate, destined to remain forever uncovered by follicles. Oh how I wanted to see those follicles frolicking on my head! But alas, it is not to be! :(

**SakuraSango**- -looks at the water pistol in her hands 'n hides it behind her- Who me???

-looks over at Darlkana 'n giggles- Ummm...I hear my cat callin...oh 'n someone take a picture for me to see later...

**Darlkana**- The water pistol had what in it??? -Takes razor out of IDK's hand and shaves-

SakuraSango you are seriously going to pay for this... -looks for SakuraSango with razor in hand- lol...

(A/n- And this is where it all starts...)

**IDontKnow**- -speaks dramatically- Since you have deprived me of the chance to see four million frolicking follicles on my head, life just doesn't seem to be worth the living anymore, oh the agony of being bald!

Oh the torture of being called Chihuahua to my face yet! It is not my fault I was blessed with stunning looks, notice I did not say GOOD looks, and no hair! I almost feel like I want to write a fanfic full of profanity which attacks EVERYONE and is completely off topic!

Now Darlkana will have to log in under the name WOOKIE, SakuraSango will be laid LOW, and all is right with the world! But there is ONE good thing to come out of all this, at least that image is GONE!

**Faewillow**- So should we call Darlkana Chewbaka now

-pats IDK on the head-

Don't worry, there's always the thunder brothers' hair restoration method!

-evil grin-

Now, all you gotta do is find a maiden...

**SakuraSango**- -giggles listening to the craziness that's going on while hiding behind a big rock- Well at least I'm safe here for now.......

**faewillow**- -Sips from her 6th cup of coffee today- On the wookie subject...hey, I wonder... When Star Wars played in Japan, with the name Chewbaka ending in baka - if it sounded like idiot was part of his name?

**Pizza the Hut**- They'd probably change it to Chewie.

**Faewillow**- I can just picture everyone in the theatre laughing at the idea of Chewie as a big hairy dumbass

Oh... and:

-CLICK -

-snaps photo of fuzzy Darlkana for SakuraSango's collection-

**Darlkana**- Hmm IDK could always use a wig to cover the baldness of the head...

I finally got rid of that unwanted hair lol... -finds photo steals it and tears it up- ha now you no longer have that photo...

**IDontKnow**- I wish you hadn't mentioned Chewbaka. I have already been chewed out once today!

Busy have I been focusing on funerals for the four million frolicking follicles that now will never see the light of day thanks to SOMEONE we all know and love who is hiding behind a rock!

Hmmm, I saw the picture before you tore it up, Darlkana, you look better in a Coastguardsman's beard than I do!

Hmmm, who do I boil down (and btw I WAS using the formula from Hiten's BOILING MAIDENS COOKBOOK)

-rolls up in wheelchair to the rock where SakuraSango is hiding. Snatching her up does some quick measurements with a ruler.-

Nah, too small, haveta throw her back! Can I have a volunteer please?

**IDontKnow**- Excuse me -while humming the theme from the musical HAIR Hiten...uh....IDontKnow begins to sharpen an enormous meat cleaver- HAIR, HAIR, LONG AND BEAUTIFUL HAIR!

Now, let's see once I bring the water to a boil I have to add: Parsley, Onion, Sage, Horseradish...OOPS wrong recipe, now where did I put that hair restoring formula? Oh, Faewillow, will you come here for just a moment please? And try to remain calm, though with six cups of coffee in you that may prove difficult. Nonetheless the pain will be minimal. That is minimal after it kills you!

**SakuraSango**- Too small...well that's the first time I heard that...its usually your too old to do this or that...

ummm faewillow before u go to the psycho with the huge knife...do u have any negatives of the photo.....

**IDontKnow**- Hmmmmm, Let me see. There are no instructions in my formula for this situation.

What happens if I boil Faewillow down into mush and use her as the chief ingredient in my Potentially Potent Potion' only to discover that the caffeine in the six cups of coffee she consumed in copious quantities compromises the growth of my four million frolicking follicles? What will I do if the hair is so jacked up on caffeine that it dances until it drops? Drops right off my head yet!

No, no, no, no, no, I must find a woman with more calmness of the insides. But what if I never get another chance to catch someone so easily? My follicles may never frolic again!

And then I hear "Get a wig!" Yeah, right! I want frolicking follicles not acrylic ones! I must pause and consider my situation!

**Faewillow**- Whoa, I spend one lousy day away from cyberspace and the sky falls in here!

-dodges away from cleaver- I'll forgive you for anything if you just put down that meat cleaver!

-hides behind GG & SakuraSango- Besides, if you remember the literal definition of a maiden, I haven't fit it for a few years. Besides, do you really want the twisted mind of faewillow directing the growth of your hair.

Oh SakuraSango the photo of Darlkana hehe... it's digital -hands over a CD-

**SakuraSango**- -grabs the CD 'n runs- Thanks I'll haveta look at this but first I'm hidin it.......

**Faewillow**- I grew up with a camera in my hands. Sometimes it just takes over.

**IDontKnow**- Faewillow please do not move so much you are throwing off my aim! Let me make the process as painless for you as I can.

-takes a huge swipe at the soon to be fricasseed provider of frolicking follicles and misses by a millimeter-

The truth is I don't much care whether you fit the definition of MAIDEN or not, I think that Hiten was being too literal in that case, and as for your mind being twisted? You are dealing here with an old man with a meat cleaver who needs you to make his hair potion.

suddenly the sound of an airplane can be heard in the distance...it is a Douglass DC-3, and out of its cargo door come thousands of pieces of what looks like paper come floating down 

**IDontKnow**- Ah, they have arrived...

-picking up one of the papers the secret is revealed. It is an 8 by 10 black and white glossy photo of Darlkana covered in shaving cream and looking for all the world like a rabid wolf creature-

-putting the cleaver down, and handing one of the pics to Faewillow- Do you like it? I took it with my dad's old Brownie hand camera. It's hidden in the top of that tree. I had 7000 prints made and scattered by air all over the place, just to prove the formula works.

**faewillow**- -jumping & dodging-

I used a...

-jumps over IDK's head-

....Nikon...

-lands behind IDK-

....D-100...

-makes a grab for the knife-

....Darn! missed!

-hands over a print same moment, but from the side heads off into next thread to avoid being chopped-

**KitsuneYoukai**- Hi what is going on here?

**SakuraSango**- Hiya Kit...just don't tell IDontKnow that your a maiden...he's just a little crazy...

-looks at the picture and cracks up- I like that look...

**KitsuneYoukai**- I am confused...TT...maiden? Would that mean, like you're single and you haven't done it yet? or that you're still a young girl? Or something like that??? O.o

**Faewillow**-Exactly! And being none of which, I am not an appropriate hair-restoring formula ingredient!!!

**KitsuneYoukai**- gosh...I'm gone since like last September and everything is confusing me now... TT

**IDontKnow**- Come back, I wasn't going to kill you Faewillow, I was just going to hurt you! Sacrifices must be made for the benefit of furthering the science of making follicles frolic!

Darn! I lose more victims, uh, friends that way! Oh well, SakuraSango will haveta do! Oh SakuraSango, could you come here a moment?

**SakuraSango**- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! -runs far far away from the knife wielding psycho-

Not me...I'm not a great candidate either...

So don't look at me...

**Faewillow**- -Takes away IDK's knife- SakuraSango don't worry... he's a knifeless psycho now, just like the rest of us.

**IDontKnow**- -Suddenly a hot glue gun appears out of nowhere and IDK shoots SakuraSango with it, freezing her in one position.-

Now, this is more like it.

-picking up SakuraSango and placing her in the basket on IDK's chair-

Now all I got to do is build a nice roaring fire and wait for the water to boil and I can get started! Second best is better than best when best refuses to be bettered!

( somewhere else )

**Faewillow**- Hmmm... - reaches into pockets pulls out several colors of Manic Panic dye-

-grins-

**IDontKnow**- to paraphrase Hiten "I can smell your DIE, I mean, DYE!" When I catch you, you will be too tired to run. I want my frolicking follicles even if I have to chase you into every thread here!  
-puts down the cleaver and steals Tokijin from Sesshomaru who is too busy singing to notice!-

**Sesshomaru**- IM SO PRETTY! IM SO PRETTY AND SO HAPPY AND GASP! GAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

**IDontKnow**- The musical South Pacific will NEVER be the same again. LOL

**Faewillow**- All right... THAT'S IT! -grabs handle of butcher knife-

-grabs pommel of Tokijin-

-sprinkles both with faerie dust-

-butcher knife shrinks to size of a thimble; Tokijin finds its proper place-

-applies 5 bright colors of dye to IDK's bald head-  
-dusts off hands- There.

**IDontKnow**- I like the look! Thank you, but your assistance comes too late, for SakuraSango should be just about coming to a boil in another thread as we speak!  
-Hmmm Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet! All those colors on my bald pate should make it easy for me to color code where the most hair should be planted-  
-sniff-

Mmmm, I love the smell of boiled SakuraSango and hot glue!

( back to the boiling pot )

**SakuraSango**- HEY!!! No fair...-her left arm breaks loose 'n her trusty mallet appears-

Long time no see...-takes the mallet 'n hits IDK till he's knocked even more senseless- 'k now that he's out how am I going to get away...HELP!!

-goes up to IDK- You know I'm gonna haunt u forever 'n ever right....

**CeeKari**- Hey IDK, need some help?

**IDontKnow**- CeeKari good to hear from you my friend, and I am afraid there is no help for me! -Rubs Neosporin on the mallet marks-

WOW SakuraSango packs a wallop! This hairy situation is one in which I got myself! But hey, it makes good filler until the new episodes start AFTER my birthday LOL. Would YOU like to be a volunteer for my hair potion CeeKari? My follicles will frolic just as much no matter whose entrails I must boil!

**Faewillow**- IDK hey, at least the absence of hair won't turn gray

**IDontKnow**- One problem Faewillow my head is a precise map of the area in and around Chernobyl, one day I got so smart that raw unfiltered intelligence started pouring into the atmosphere.

Millions of my original frolicking follicles will frolic no more, because where the intelligence meltdown occurred, is the primary bald spot. Other spots appeared soon after as the pattern of fallout was established.

My only hope is Hiten's hair potion, which I was given to understand, is the only thing powerful enough to overcome the corrosive nature of my thought processes.

SO I DESPERATELY NEED A VOLUNTEER

**SakuraSango**- -giggles- Well that's a new way of sayin that u wanna boil someone 'n use them in hopes of gettin hair which u r seriously lackin...

**IDontKnow**-SakuraSango I am seriously lacking in other things besides hair too, but here's no formula to fix those. LOL Hair which I am seriously lacking. LOL I WISH hair was all I was lacking!

**Ultimate Creature2**- Don't wear wigs....they scare me....

**SakuraSango**- 'k time to stop the confusion. Who here is a 'maiden'...

-crickets chirp-

Ummm...'k so who here wants to be placed into a boiling hot pot 'n boiled down into nothing...then used as a hair growing potion...like Hiten was gonna to do to Kagome...

**CeeKari**- I'll donate a few entrails. I'm curious to know exactly what a follicle looks like when it's frolicking

**KitsuneYoukai**-TT..................................TT

( somewhere else )

**IDontKnow**- Faewillow now please be a good little uh, I almost said MAIDEN but wait a minute, a suitable word will come to me, aw heck! Let me boil you anyhow!

**SakuraSango**- -cheering- Yeah boil Faewillow.

Oh I know a great maiden for u IDK... Star Gazer...but she's back in Florida by now. Too bad a day late 'n a dollar short. -goes away before IDK changes his mind-

**Faewillow**- Hey, I'm not little! And I'm always good, but I'm not boiling for your potion. (nice cauldron, by the way)  
-thinks a minute-  
-tries magic faerie dust on IDK's bald scalp-  
OO -watches in horror as mini-daffodils sprout up there-  
Um... oops?  
-hands IDK a pair of garden shears-  
wait, that was probably not a good idea...

**IDontKnow**- -Starts to sing- Tip Toe Through The Tulips

-suddenly remembers that he is NOT in Holland!-  
I forgive your vain attempt to cover my cranium. But look, the raw intelligence is killing the poor things already! -sob-  
Give me a mirror so that I may watch them die

( POOF Kanna appears )

**Kanna**- Here look into my mirror.  
  
**IDontKnow**- Ohh it is so sad, and HEY wait a minute! What's going on?

-a sucking sound is heard and IDK is sucked into the mirror of souls daffodils and all-

**IDontKnow**- This will not reflect well on you Kanna!

CeeKari, SakuraSango HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I got caught in Kanna's Mirror when I looked in her mirror to watch the last of my frolicking follicles fall...actually Faewillow sprinkled dust on my head and Daffodils appeared on the top of my cranium and I was sad, for they died slowly in my hard head...anyhow SEE IF YOU CAN GET KANNA TO RELEASE ME! THERE ARE NO BATHROOMS IN HERE, AND **WORSE YET** NO CABLE TV!!!!!!!!!!

-Thinking of escape plan- Let me see if this works

CeeKari, basically when a follicle frolics, picture your hair doing the Macarena on your head, and if the hair can't do the dance I can't spell I teach it the Texas Two-step! LOL

You see, I am Sampson, sort of, all of my intelligence is in my hair and every time I get a hair cut I forget everything until it grows back, and then I am twice as smart!-

**SakuraSango**- While your in there look for the soul of my cat Dark Cloud 'k...Kanna was playin with my cat 'n now he's actin different...

**CeeKari**- -looks at IDK in the mirror and nods- So that's a frolicking follicle. I see... Now how do we get you outta there?

**Darlkana**- -yawns and looks around sleepily- eekums I missed a lot... I must stop hitting that snooze button lol...

oh btw IDK here you go this might be helpful

-hands over some special chemical that grows hair-

Back to the zzz's call me when someone else needs help lol...


	3. Chapter 2

**Faewillow**- IDK HA! Gonna whack me with a mallet and boil me down for a hair potion, were ya? Serves ya right, getting yourself stuck in Kanna's mirror for your own vanity!

-tries to gloat-

-starts grumbling-

-sighs, stalks off to get one of Kagome's arrows-

-returns with arrow-

'k everyone in the mirror stand back...

-pokes arrow tip into the mirror, overloading it, forcing Kanna to let all of the souls out-

**IDontKnow**- Faewillow, my wonderful compassionate, kind and gentle soul THANK YOU for getting me out of that predicament!

Yes, it would seem that I was much to vain for my own good! And look! Darlkana gave me a brand new bottle of Rogaine :)

-Opens bottle and slathers Rogaine on the bald spots, after first individually removing about 10 million dead Daffodil stems.-

I need a mirror so I can see my New Frolicking Follicles Frolic up close!

( POOF Kanna appears )

**Kanna**- Look into my mirror and you can see the hair up close.

**IDontKnow**- OH NO! NOT AGAIN

-Giant sucking sound as IDK is once again drawn into the mirror of souls-

Hey everything is BIGGER in here this time!

**Kanna**- It would have to be Naraku had to replace the original one when Faewillow overloaded it. This one is a magnifying mirror!

**IDontKnow**- Kanna when I get outta here you're in BIG trouble young lady! I shall magnify your tenderness part in my greasiest pan! Faewillow, SakuraSango HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP again!

**Faewillow**- -sigh-

-shakes head-

-grabs mirror and turns it to Kanna's face, forcing her to release IDK or be sucked in-

-looks at IDK- Hey... I bet Kanna is a maiden...

OH! The Rogaine worked!!! Guess you won't need that potion after all.

**SakuraSango**- Oh wow so that's what u look like with now you must be

really really smart...ummm...u might need a hair cut though...think you

put too much on...

-holds up a 'normal' mirror-...you like...

**IDontKnow**- OH JOY!! Just look at all the hair! Well, since I look like a hippie I may as well act like one.

-dawns tie-died purple and orange shirt and bell-bottoms, paints a sign that says MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR and plants it in the ground, and starts to sing-

"Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky, it's where I wanna go when I die..."

( POOF Kagura appears )

**Kagura**- Die you shall! For Picking on my sister! DANCE OF BLADES!!

-Suddenly a shower of wind blades descends on IDK who is missed by most of them, except one that slices a bald trench down the middle of his formally full head of hair -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE You look ridiculous! And as for your singing, keep your day job!

( POOF Kagura disappears )

**IDontKnow**- Uh, what happened?? Faewillow now could you do something about Kagura, she is Reeeeeeeeeeeeeally mad at me

-puts on driver's cap to cover the evidence of the fight-

Boy do those wind blades of hers ever make good barber scissors! I'm going to jump threads now and try to make it back to the Inuyasha thread before she kills me...bye!

**Faewillow**- Kagura, huh... what did you do to her? You forget, in another thread I demonstrated an aversion to danger...

-realizes that if IDK is bald he'll be looking for a maiden sub again-

-wanders off to ponder ways to eliminate Kagura without getting filleted-

**CeeKari**- Lol, you people really are crazy. But I guess I'm not really one to talk, am I?

**IDontKnow** - CeeKari not crazy really, just bored. I know the Frivolous Fable of the Frolicking Follicles is not Shakespeare, and it certainly has no Political or religious bearing like the Odyssey, but one thing for sure, it kills boredom until the new episodes start!

**Faewillow**- -looks around nervously- What's wrong with being crazy?

-spots IDK-

-looks confused- Was the reverse Mohawk on purpose? Now you look like Gallagher.

-looks around for watermelons- Hey, with the application of hair growth chemicals, it'll grow back.

**IDontKnow**- Kagura did this to me! One minute my follicles where fine and frolicking frivolously on my fabulous new head of -gasp- well LOOK AT IT SHE CUT THE MARIANNA'S TRENCH RIGHT THROUGH MY HAIR!

I am angry and upset that she would do this -takes huge bite out of watermelon and talks with mouth full- to me!

-swallows- Hey, I may have the solution. Quick Faewillow, I need $2,211.50!

**SakuraSango**- Hey don't worry about the hair...you'll start a new trend...umm...but

if u really want it here's $100...

-walks away mumbling- he looks freakier then my friends...

**Faewillow**- -pulls lint from jeans pockets- hmmm... a bit short on cash. Wait... I have an idea...

-borrows Dad's camera again-

-guides IDK into a classic 'JC Penny's' pose and shoots portrait-

-downloads image into iMac and begins editing-

Here, look at these until the hair grows back...

-hands IDK a series of prints of his portrait, all with a full head of hair, each in a different style-

The dreads were the most fun, except for this one

-picture of IDK with long, curled horns sticking out of his hair, pointed ears, fangs, & whip like tail-

**CeeKari**- -looks through Hello Kitty change purse- I'm broke --' Maybe you can sell these... -hands IDK some IY fan arts-

**IDontKnow**- -looks at the picture with long, curled horns sticking out of his hair, pointed ears, fangs, & whip like tail- Faewillow!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a great photographer, you captured the "Real Me" thank you!

-Looks admiringly at the pic with the 70's style 'Fro!-

( POOF Naraku appears )

**Naraku**- There can only be ONE source of never ending evil on Inuyasha, and I happen to be that source

-takes out a small blowgun and shoots a shard of the Shikon No Tama into IDK's neck, rendering the reverse-Mohawk, but still "Devilishly handsome" IDK into a zombie-like state.-

Go forth and wage war on the Public Message Board my faithful servant IDK!

**IDontKnow**- -In a monotone- Yes Master Naraku

-still speaking in Monotones- Now, I need the $2,111.50 even more than before. I need it to buy Manten's Thunderpike which is for sale on EBay, I can really do some damage with that!

Or maybe I should buy the F-18 complete with bomb racks and shackles they are trying to auction off...nah, think I shall stick to the thunderpike. Since Kagura cut such a whack outta my hair I'd be too stupid to fly an F-18.

**Faewillow**- Man, IDK didn't even comment on the pic I made of his head on a bikini-clad model's body! Naraku, you insidious creature, you ruined all my fun!

**Naraku**- -Turns to Faewillow speaking slowly and serenely-

You know I am right when I say that I am the only true source of evil in Sengoku Jidai.

-holds up Shikon No Tama with the tiny missing piece visible-

Even with this incomplete Jewel I control most everything, like when Cartoon Network decides to repeat all 52 episodes over and over ad infinitum ad nauseum.

Why do you think that is? I put a little piece of this jewel to work in the programming director, that's why.

As to your friend in the ugly tie-dyed shirt over there, he is no threat to me. I only put him under my control because -picks up photograph- he looks better in a bikini than I do!

( POOF Naraku disappears in a cloud of black miasma )

**SakuraSango**- -looks at IDK- Man, this is so not fair...

-goes over to IDK pulls out her mallet 'n hits IDK till he's knocked out cold-

There that's better...-digs in his pockets 'n grabs her $100- No money for you if your gonna buy weapons...

**IDontKnow**- _In the sweet world of IDK's dreams there is no Naraku, there is no Kagura and there is no Kanna, there is only...Yura and her fantastic head(s) of hair!_'

-Startled into wakefulness by a **THROBBING** headache- Owwwwwwwwwwww! Why am I on the ground, and Owwww why is my reversed-mohawk partially follicle-endowed cranium covered in so many dents and contusions.

-takes out pocket mirror, examines scalp and sees IF LOST RETURN TO SAKURASANGO perfectly readable in one of the depressions- Why did she beat me so, the last thing I remember was, uh, gee, what was the last thing I remember...

**CeeKari**- Eww! -shakes head to clear that image of Naraku in a bikini- Gross gross gross!

**SakuraSango**- -jumps up 'n down- I can help I can get rid of those gross images...

-holds up her mallet- It helped IDK

**IDontKnow**- -Lumbering with difficulty over to SakuraSango-

Excuse me, my mallet endowed madam, might you know who I am?

**SakuraSango**- IDontKnow

**IDontKnow**- If you don't know then why did you tell me IDontKnow? That seems kinda pointless.

**SakuraSango**- IDontKnow is your name, stupid.

**IDontKnow**- Oooh now I see, my real name is Stupid! So were you fibbing before when you said that IDontKnow my real name is Stupid?

But if my real name is Stupid why would she say IDontKnow. Even with amnesia I Know I'm stupid!

Or at least not as smart as I used to be, yet if she Doesn't know and Said IDontKnow Stupid, perhaps she really doesn't know Stupid and I still haven't found out what my name is yet.

-The Amnesiac hair-obsessed chat roomer wanders off down the thread mumbling to himself-

-Still mumbling, the amnesiac IDK wanders aimlessly through the thread-

( POOF Kanna appears )

**Kanna**- I feel so bad about what I did to you, I want to try to make it right. -holding mirror of souls at an angle- Look into my mirror and let me draw the soul out of you.

**IDontKnow**- -Not remembering two previous trips into the mirror of souls, looks into the mirror-

**IDontKnow's Soul**- -drawn half-way out of his body-

**Kanna**- -examines the head and sees a mallet-head shaped hole in the head of the soul through which memories are leaking-

Thought so. Be Right Back.

( POOF Kanna disappears )

( POOF Kanna Appears ) (A/n- ok so that was kinda pointless)

**Kanna**- -holding a positively huge bottle of rubber cement-

Let's see. -Taking a paintbrush, slathers rubber cement on the hole in the soul of the amnesiac IDK-

That should do it! But just remember, the patch is TEMPORARY!

**IDontKnow**- Remember what? I can't even remember that I have amnesia, so how am I supposed to remember that that the patch is temporary?

**Kanna**- -with an exasperated look puts the soul back-

( POOF Kanna disappears )

**CeeKari**- -runs and hides behind the bruised IDK- Don't let SakuraSango hurt me!

**IDontKnow**- -Remembering that SakuraSango is dangerous rolls behind a tree- C'mon CeeKari, we must hide from that malefactor with the malicious mallet.

-Remembering that Naraku embedded a jewel shard in his neck, IDK removes, and promptly gulp swallows it.-

Whuuuuuut's HAPPENING TO ME???????????????

-IDK puts his hands to his temples and screams in pain and terror-

I can't stand the paaaaaaaaaaain!

-without warning hair, miles and miles of hair sprout from the once bald pate of IDK! Without warning CeeKari is caught by a tidal wave of split-ends and disappears beneath an ocean of flowing locks.-

**IDontKnow**- My hair! My hair! It is returning to normal! Ohhhhh how I love my newfound frolicking follicles!

**Faewillow**- -shaking head- Hey, IDK, have you laundered your brain lately? It seems to be stuck in overdrive.

-checks IDK's massive cranium & finds one screw loose- hey, I have one like that!

-opens top of IDK's head-

-applies monkey wrench, removes one rabid howler monkey-

-removes brain & studies it intensely-

-whips out her universe-traveler's towel and wipes off a few monkey hairs-

-replaces brain and tightens all but one screw-

That should be much better

**CeeKari**- -pulls out hedge trimmers- This should do the trick!

-uses clippers to carefully cut a path out of IDK's frantically frolicking follicles-

Whew, that was close. -looks at the mountain of hair-

Hey, no fair! IDK's hair is prettier than mine!

-looks over at Faewillow- Faewillow, are you licensed to do that?

**IDontKnow**- Thank you Faewillow but how do we get the jewel shard back?

-sits down to comb the frolicking follicles and discovers CeeKari still trapped in a tangle-

Let me get my pick comb and I'll have you out in a jiffy!

-looks around confused- Wait a minute. What happened? I seem to recall that CeeKari was overwhelmed by my hair, yet now she is free? How did this happen? Better yet, WHEN did this happen?

-shouts- KANNA! HELP! I APPEAR TO BE SPRINGING LEAKS AGAIN!

**Faewillow**- Oh, by the way, IDK... don't worry about the jewel shard... it'll all come out all right in the end...

-snickers- Here... have some beans...

**SakuraSango**- -looks around totally lost- Where is everyone?

-swings her mallet- I was supposed to help get rid of bad thoughts...oh well...

Oh IDK (ahem- Stupid I think you said was your name) I can help get rid of that jewel shard...If u don't wanna wait for mother nature to remove it we can use my bros special recipe...

Let's see -opens cookbook to _'How to remove Troublesome Shards'_-

Lets see we add- 2 eggs, crackers, tomato soup, toenails from 5 people, newts eyes, cow brains, sweet potatoes, prunes, and grape juice...then we let it boil in Demon Sweat till its a bright blue-brownish color...YUM!!

**CeeKari**- 0o That's a lotta licenses, faewillow...

Ack? -quickly hides hedge trimmers in back pocket before anyone notices the patch she just cut out of IDK's hair-

SakuraSango, I think we just want to get the shard out of him, not poison him!

**SakuraSango**- What??? Oh -giggles and whistles innocently- Oops...my bad...well what should we do with this stuff...

**Faewillow**- -giggles-

That was just one pocket. Well leave the others alone (for fear of opening that otherworldly portal I keep in the back pocket of my jeans)

-sniffs potion-

hold onto that... it might come in useful in the future...

-fishes hazardous material container out of her pocket and hands it to SakuraSango-

**IDontKnow**- -downs fourteen bottles of Schnapps.- Quick! SakuraSango gimme that concoction you worked up.

-swallows it all in one gulp- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG That Was Horrible!!!!!!!!!! Oh Mama was that the worst tasting stuff on earth!

-suddenly hair begins to sprout on IDK's chest- Hmmm one thing about this stuff, it'll sure make a man outta ya!

-falls into a deep sleep- No, Yura. Don't do that NOW! You know that I left my hairnet in my other suit! And for the last time you can't take the saucer out for a test flight, I built it specifically for Faewillow! -Snore-

**CeeKari**- IDK is probably one of the hairiest men alive right now. Maybe we should take him to the beauty salon? Or we could have Yura take care of it...

**SakuraSango**- Hmmm... gym socks just might work...I'll haveta try that sometime...

What to do with a super hairy man...

-thinks really hard. light bulb comes on- I've got it!!

-light bulb goes off- -.- Umm never mind I lost it.

-grabs a 100 watt light bulb and changes it. The light bulb shines brightly-

HA!! Like I said I got it...We could make IDK into a Bigfoot 'n get tons 'n tons of money

-runs off to make more special slop-

( IDK Still sleeping peacefully )

**IDontKnow**- -IDK's slumber is interrupted...-

SakuraSango, please turn off that light!

-Reaches into thought balloon over SakuraSango's head and pulls the chain on the lamp. Light bulb goes out. Taking a ten watt bulb from his pants pocket IDK removes the original bulb (hmmm, 200 watts, that WAS a bright idea LOL) and replaces it with the new bulb and turns the lamp back on-

Hey! I am awake, and I have not the slightest semblance of a hangover!

-smells SakuraSango's latest batch of Gym sock Stew and scarves it down- Gee, this stuff is GREEEEEEEEEEEAT!

OW! SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING TO ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

-Suddenly all the hair falls out of one side of IDK's head, and the other side turns slate-gray-

**IDontKnow**- SakuraSango? What did you put in that latest batch?

-Grabs cookbook- let's see...2 eggs, crackers, tomato soup, toenails, Newt's eye (boy I bet Mr. Gingrich hated to part with that! LOL), cow brains, sweet potatoes, prunes, and. Uh SakuraSango, I thought you said this stuff needed Grape Juice and old Gym socks? Why did you put Malathion based weed-killer in your second batch?

**SakuraSango**- Huh whatcha mean...-grabs the huge jar 'n reads it- Oops...my bad...I thought that said grape juice...Here's what it actually says...'Weed Killer: Safe for Grape Plants'...

-looks at IDK...- Well think of it this way you have a new style...'n it should grow back...

-slowly backs away from the half bald man-

**IDontKnow**- -Grabs giant pair of shears and cuts off the rest of the hair-

Why are you backing away from me SakuraSango? CeeKari already chopped a swath out of it. Besides, I have Darlkana's bottle of Super Rogaine right uh, right, oh! Well, I can't seem to remember where I put it!

-starts searching through pockets- Hmmmm, my lucky yoyo, two cents (I keep that with me so I can put in my two-cents worth LOL), one Really old George McGovern for President Button, one slightly younger Richard Nixon for President button, and a handful of lint.

Nope. No super Rogaine!

-sobbing piteously, IDK wanders off into the forest, looking desperately for Darlkana!-

( POOF Naraku appears )

**Naraku**- Why are you not off destroying the message board as I commanded you?

**IDontKnow**- Because I don't like you for one and SakuraSango beat me up because of you for another. Now Go Away!

**Naraku**- No one talks to the focus of evil in the Medieval world like that you shall pay!

( Poof suddenly IDK finds his head shrunken to less than a third of it's normal size )

**Naraku**- -laughing hysterically, disappears in a smelly cloud of black miasma-

**IDontKnow**- -in a high squeaky voice reminiscent of Munchkin land-

Heeeeeeelp! Heeeeeeeelp! Look what Naraku did to me! Now I can't grow as much hair!

**CeeKari**- -blink, blink-

-stares at IDK's hair, or what's left of it- Well, it's definitely interesting...

Maybe we can glue back the half that fell out!

-runs off to get her jumbo-sized tube of crazy glue and two chickens-

**Darlkana**- geezums I'm gone for about a week and you all just find ways to get into so much trouble... geezums I swear I'm going to have to find an assistant

-looks around and sees IDK turns around and starts to laugh-

I'm sorry!

-tries to be serious without laughing- What happened??? Who were you hanging out with this time??? I'm sorry.

-laughs hysterically- I'll tell you what you just stand right there and I'll be right back...

-comes back with a camera and takes IDK's pic-

Oh this is going to be great here's another masterpiece pic for the books...

Ok now to business. Hmm let's see here's another bottle of hair now it's my own special recipe made only with the finest of all ingredients from far and near... and let's see for the shrunken head I'm not sure I have anything, I think I might have ran out yesterday as a matter of fact...

hmm

-starts going through many bottles- big eyes, curled nails, shrunken hands, long noses, shrink, get tall quick, hair now, gray be gone, skinny by nature hmm nope, I sure don't have any... oh man that means I'm going to have to make some more I knew I should've never given bettlejuice the rest of I want my head back now

Grrr he'll pay for one way or another I shall return when I have obtained some I want my head back now formula until than try wait no stay don't try just STAY OUT OF TROUBLE !!!!!!!

ok bye bye

**CeeKari**- Hiya Darlkana! Can I have a copy of that pic? I've got a place for it on my wall, I believe...

**SakuraSango**- Hey Darlkana I'll make u a trade...a copy of IDK's head for the return of your pic...

-holds up a shiny new red air tire pump-

Hey IDK -giggles- how about this -giggles- we put this part of the air pump in your mouth -falls to the ground laughing- 'n I'll pump...it'll be like in the cartoons... -rollin on the floor-'k...-snickers-

-mutters- At least it'll kill time till Darlkana comes back

-giggles 'n wipes a tear from her eye-...Think of it this way...you'll think twice before you play with Naraku...

**IDontKnow**- -still talking like an escapee from munchkin land, walks over to SakuraSango, and snatches the shiny red air pump from her hand-

Gimme that thing!

Hmmmm, doesn't look dangerous. Well, what harm can it do that Naraku hasn't already done?

-puts the end of the tube in his mouth and pumps furiously-

-thinking- Hmmm this isn't so bad.

( Suddenly, IDK realizes he has pumped too hard and is now floating very quickly into the air. )

**IDontKnow**- Hellllllp! My head is too small, my voice is too high and I am floating awaaaaaaaay!

-The hairless, and nearly headless LOL IDK becomes a small speck on the horizon-

Someday I will get you all for this!

( And IDK disappears )

**faewillow**- -pulls IDK out of her hip pocket-

-Dusts him off and sets him down-

Boy, IDK, every time I miss a day or two, you get yourself into the worst of trouble... hair everywhere except where ya want it.

-pulls IDK's missing Rogaine out of the pocket he was in-

Here, this might be what you're looking for. You can make it last if you use it while your head is still shrunk

BTW, that's not a license to kill... it's a license to Ill. See?

-shows the 2 turntables and a microphone from the mysterious Other Pocket-

I keep those in there for nostalgia only... really...

**SakuraSango**- -runs to IDK out of breath- Where is the tire pump??? WHERE!!!

Oh Hiya Faewillow...have ya seen Darlkana? She's supposed to be bringing something to help IDK's head size...

-looks at IDK- Yelp

-runs 'n hides behind Faewillow- Protect me...

**IDontKnow**- -still with a case of the high squeakies- I won't hurt you SakuraSango, but I was always told when I was a little monster slash demon that size doesn't matter (I was very scrawny once!) but I guess that is NOT true when it comes to the size of ones head? And by the way, since it hurts to much with a small head to think big thoughts, how did I wind up in Faewillow's pocket?

You got one of Miroku's black holes in there or somethin'? And how did you get my super Rogaine? And how did I wind up with a head too small for the big plans I had and how did I wind up bald, and then with too much hair and now bald again? Please, I think I'm having a bad hair day -sob-

**SakuraSango**- Bad hair day...how about no hair day... but just think...if you use the Rogaine now it'll take less

Can I have my tire pump back since it didn't work...

-looks at IDK-...ummm your horns are a little weird lookin...is it 'cuz of the size of your head or is the Rogaine warping them... (A/n- So you know this comes from an inside joke. Adult swim had called all IY fans the spawn of the devil)

-goes to Faewillow's pocket 'n puts her hand in it, it goes up to her shoulder-

That's how...there's like a black hole or somethin here...

-pulls hand out 'n is holdin a cat-...Dark Cloud how did u get in there...silly kitty...

**CeeKari**- -peeks in Faewillow's pocket- Hey, there's all kinds of stuff in here!

-pulls out a shovel, diary, cigar box, snow man, old hamburger and a rather upset looking Kanna minus the soul-sucking mirror- Oops...


	4. Chapter 3

**IDontKnow**- Well -Regurgitates air pump. Covered in Yeech it is no longer the shiny red it used to be-

Here, I swallowed it because I got to pumping so hard on it I had to equalize the pressure in my ears.

Hmmmm. -Reaches deep into one of Faewillow's magic pockets and pulls out a miniaturization facility like the one in the movie Fantastic Voyage-

I wonder -checks all the hardware, and discovers the answer to his unspoken question. Flipping hundreds of switches and twiddling thousands of dials, IDK hums happily- There! That should do it!

-Rolling over to the platform, IDK gets down on his knees and puts his head under the beam!-

Since I set the thing in reverse, it should make my head large enough to fit my body in spite of Naraku's spell! I am so tired of sounding like Billy Brady!

-Activating the unit with his remote control (courtesy of Faewillow's OTHER pocket!) IDK ponders the fact that it is working.-

( POP! IDK's head returns to normal )

**IDontKnow**- Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I can't turn it off!

-After a desperate battle to get out from under the beam, IDK's head, like the heart of the Grinch, not only returned to normal, but grew four sizes that day!-

-with a very deep voice- Oh, this is nice. Now there's even more room for even more frolicking follicles.

-IDK slathers the whole bottle of super Rogaine on his head.-

-A very small, thick tuft of hair appears in the center of IDK's enormous pate- I need more! I must have more! Give me MORE!!!!!!!!!

**Faewillow**- -looking nervous with all these people hanging around her butt-

Sorry, IDK, when you propelled skyward from the force of the air pump, you hit the area of sky over the Bermuda triangle and fell into one of the portals that keeps sucking in unwary travelers of the sky. Fortunately, you managed to hit the one that opens up into the back pocket of my favorite jeans (yes, still dressing in 80s chic- there's a hole in my jeans!) and not the one that opens up into the Floating Vagabond! Oh, and the Rogaine was stuck on the bottom of your shoe (don't ask me how).

SakuraSango, sorry about your cat... they seem to be able to go wherever they want... they must be magical creatures...

Careful, all... I haven't cleaned out that pocket in a looooong time...

-pats IDK on the head-

-throws a shiny cloth over the hair-

-adjusts miniaturization settings & restores IDK's head to its normal size-

Oh, by the way, IDK... I wanted to warn you about the side effects of inter-dimensional travel...

-Long purple hair sprouts from IDK's scalp as his skin turns a pastel shade of green-

uh-oh... too late... sorry... um, that should wear off in a few hours... or maybe it's days. I can't remember...

-hands IDK a small vial of glittering powder-

If anything really, uh, bad happens, sprinkle some of this over the offending area and concentrate on the improvements you want.

-words on the bottle say "use only in case of emergency"-

-hastily leaves the area-

-returns for a moment-

-pockets miniaturization facility as IDK begins to develop orange freckles-

You'll be fine... really...

-rushes back out-

**IDontKnow-** Hey man, like, dude. That, like, was an amazing trip -starts singing purple rain but cant remember a verse with orange freckles in it-

-Starts singing purple haze instead, but it doesn't have words, so there cant be a verse with green hair in it-

( POOF Yura's ectoplasmic apparition appears )

**Yura**- ooooooooh I LIKE the purple hair! I simply MUST add it to my collection!

**IDontKnow**- Chill out dudette! Like, I'm on a trip or something! It must be the combination of that stuff with the gym socks SakuraSango made and the side effects of Interdimentional travel through Faewillow's pocket!

Man, if that stuff hadn't so affected the visual cortex of my brain, I would think that my hair is green, my skin is purple, and I look like I got measles from all the spots.

-Turns his normal (?!!) head just in time to see Yura running at him with her sword-

**Yura**- Don't move! I gotta get a clean cut!

**IDontKnow**- Boy I'd hate to go out with YOU on Sushi Night!

-IDK ducks and turns just in time to see Kagura standing stoically behind him.-

( POOF Kagura Appears )

**Kagura**- So, you pathetic excuse for a demon, you think you can harvest hair better than I, Kagura, the wind sorceress? DANCE OF BLADES

-with one swipe of Kagura's wind power, the last of IDK's new hair is cut off at the knees-

-Now the green IDK turns three shades of purple topped with a shade of scarlet as he lights off after Kagura with Yura in "HOT" pursuit!-

**IDontKnow**- How oh how do I get myself in these messes?

-remembers Faewillow's bottle, opens the cap and throws some on Kagura, then stops dead, turns, and in a single motion throws the rest on Yura-

Now, let's wait and see what happens! After all it did say IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY SPRINKLE ON OFFENDING AREA' and those two wacko dames would certainly qualify as an emergency to me!

**SakuraSango**- -still holdin Dark Cloud watching the entire event- Man this is better then the circus...

u got your clowns- IDK, Kagura, Yura

animals- Dark Cloud

'n magic- Faewillow...

Hey IDK I really like the color of your skin...but u look like your gonna to explode...you know like when cartoon characters hold their breath for too long...

( BOOM- a cloud of smoke bellows )

**SakuraSango**- uh-oh I think that was Darlkana 'n her head growin stuff...better check on her...be right back...

-looks at Dark Cloud then at IDK- Here...hold him for me 'k...

-hands Dark Cloud over to IDK-

He's really nice...

-whispers- just don't say InuYasha in front of him...he goes a 'little' crazy... Be right

back...

-runs off before anyone can argue-

**faewillow**- U Well, at least he didn't turn into a purple people eater!

-watches as Yura and Kagura sprout daffodils on their heads-

OO

They're not gonna like that...

-quickly stuffs both demons into her back pocket-

Let's see how they like Bermuda...

Ok, IDK, I think I finally figured this stuff out. Hold still:

-mutters a few words and sprinkles faerie dust on IDK-

-IDK's skin goes back to normal tones, but his hair stays purple and gets longer.-

Welllll....close enough?

**CeeKari**- -looks at IDK's 27ft long purple hair- Reminds me of an anime character I once knew...

-tosses IDK her pocket hairbrush- You probably need it more than I do.

**Faewillow**- Hey, a postcard from Bermuda!

-glances at postcard of bikini-clad, daffodil-headed Yura & Kagura on an unidentifiable beach-

Oh... well...

-holds up postcard-

Anyone want this?

**IDontKnow**- I don't mind having 27 feet of purple hair. Just think of the number of leather-clad cortices I can attract with nine yards of Frolicking Follicles!

-Looks at postcard and shivers- I want nothing to do with anything that comes from Bermuda except the shorts!

( POOF Naraku appears )

**Naraku**- Where is Kagura? Where is Kanna?

-mumbles- If you want anything done right you should do it yourself.

-Throws a menacing glance at CeeKari and Faewillow- Well?

**Faewillow**- -Grabs Naraku & before he can react stuffs him into her back pocket-

-dusts off hands-

next?

**IDontKnow**- -clapping hands-

OOOOOOOH how I wish you'd been here when this adventure started!

Faewillow- hey, another postcard...

-glances at writing-

It's from Naraku...

-turns it over and glances at the picture-

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-drops card and runs off, flinging hands around as if having discovered a spider on her person-

**Post Card**- -falls to the floor, picture up, revealing a photo of Naraku in a yellow polka-dot bikini-

**Faewillow**- -returns, still doing the icky spider dance-

-digs through pocket... finds and rejects: 3 French hens, a menu from Alice's Restaurant (where you can get anything you want) ('cepting Alice), the stuff that dreams are made of...-

Oh, here it is... mental floss...

-puts other stuff back but misses one hen-

-flosses brain-

Whew!

-notices card on floor-

EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-runs off, doing icky spider dance again-

**French hen**- -poops on Naraku's face-

**CeeKari**- Finally, someone else who knows the song Alice's Restaurant! -finds a postcard of the two French hens in bikinis- Hmm...

**SakuraSango**- -comes back brushin her long sandy blond hair-

Ohhh...IDK...can I cut your hair for u...I'm really good at it. Please???? I'll make your hair look great, just look at mine...

-looks down 'n sees the Naraku postcard- Hmmm...-pulls out a flame thrower 'n burns the card- Burn baby...burn!!!!

**Post Card**- -burns up-

**wind spirt**- you people are very umm inserting.....

IDK...-take double slashed & blood stained hand & blood stained gun as she shakily shotz- (don't take it personal......u jus said 1 of the 3 wordz never 2 b spoken)

**faewillow**- CeeKari hey, at least it wasn't 2 old hens in French bikinis...

About Alice's Restaurant... I used to listen to the album that had that on it as a kid, later bought the CD and played it on the radio station at college... and own a DVD of the movie (not all of which is as lighthearted as the song). XD

Wind Spirit... please don't shoot IDK... he's very entertaining.

-points out IDK's purple hair-

you should see what led to that!

Oh, and SakuraSango... thanx for getting rid of that postcard!!!!

-uses mental floss again to remove the image-

-wanders off looking confused and singing...-

I don't want a pickle... just want to ride on my motorcycle...

**IDontKnow**- -Falls to the ground, blood gushing from a bullet hole deeper then an oil well in Texas-

What word did I utter to bring such a hideous fate to me? -cough sputter- all I wanted was to live long enough to see my purple follicles frolic across my pate.

Now...-taking a long pair of forceps, and penetrating the bullet hole with them-

EEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!

-IDK removes a perfectly undamaged .45 slug from da hole-

-Starts singing to get his mind off of the pain- You Can't Always Get What You Want

Oh, SakuraSango, I need one of the gym socks from your recipe to pack the hole,

and Faewillow, if I may ask? HOW DEEP ARE THOSE POCKETS OF YOURS????

CeeKari, if I live after performing a bulletectomy on myself, you may cut my follicles to a manageable length, and all of you remember these as my epitaph should worst come to worst:

Old Demons Never Die, They Just Jump In Faewillow's Pocket and fade away in Bermuda!

IDK passes out cold 

**faewillow**- Are you always in trouble IDK?

-runs off to find Sesshomaru-

-Returns with Tenseiga-

Don't ask how I got this!

-Uses the sword to revive IDK-

aren't you glad you didn't boil me?

**IDontKnow**- Boiling? Boiling? What boiling? -IDK sits up-

Why am I covered in blood? And where did that Gym sock come from? And Faewillow, why have you started carrying a sword?

Boiling indeed! What an imagination that kid has! -lapses back into a dreamy delirium-

-Dream Weaver, I believe you can get me through the niiiiight-

oops, wrong delirium!

( In the land of his dreams Naraku pays a visit. )

**Naraku**- Since you refuse to help me reign with chaos on the message board, I shall curse your dreams with a dire cursing

**IDontKnow**- -rolls over-

-mumbles in sleep- That's nice. It can't get any worse!

**SakuraSango**- -watches IDK tossin 'n turnin in his sleep- He looks like a big baby when he's sound asleep...'k I'm bored watchin him...

-walks away lookin for somethin, comes back holdin a can of shavin cream-

'k I'm getting rid of these stupid locks of hair...

**brightstar**- I agree

**CeeKari**- -grabs sheep shears- please, SakuraSango, allow me. -grins evilly-

**Faewillow**- Hey, wait... as long he has hair, no one gets boiled for a hair potion!

If you guys are gonna cut it off, I'll... uh...

-looks at the sword that won't cut-

Crap! There's really nothing I can do about it, is there?

-starts looking for more Rogaine in her pocket-

-finds miniaturization facility-

'k, well that's useless...

-a light bulb in a cloud appears over Faewillow's head-

Or is it?

-evil grin-

**SakuraSango**- -backs away from the scary faewillow- Ummm...you stay away or I'll put this on you...-holds up a sign that says 'Pure Maiden'-

Don't come any closer...

**CeeKari**- Hmmmm. -grabs sign from SakuraSango and sticks it to IDK's back- Tee-hee

**Faewillow**- 'k so if you guys chop his hair, then he'll boil himself for the potion...?

**IDontKnow**- Dream a little Dream of me...

**Naraku**- -voice of Naraku in IDK's head- CeeKari and SakuraSango are up to something regarding your magnificent Purple Plumage, and it ain't gonna be pretty

**IDontKnow**- -sleepily- what do I care? -YAWN- I have already been beaten with a hammer, put under various evil spells, I've had too much hair and too little hair, I've had the wrong kind of hair (thanks to Faewillow's Daffodil trick) I've had my head shrunken, and then over-enlarged, and then I passed through Faewillow's pocket and wound up purple and green and covered in orange spots! Then to top it off I get shot for saying something I don't remember saying, and now you, YOU of all people have the nerve to tell ME to watch out for Faewillow, CeeKari, and SakuraSango?

Yeah, riiiiiiiiight! Now, leave me alone so I can go back to sleep! -mumbles quietly-

**Naraku**- You are already asleep, Stupid!

**WindSpirit**- ...-take double slashed & blood stained hand & blood stained gun as she shakily shotz-

**IDontKnow**- -topples over, blood streaming from many holes- Thank you Lava Spirit, WindSango, Sakurawillow, or CeeDark or KariBlazer, or whatever, you may have just ended my torment. And theirs.

-Releases FaeKari, WillowSango and CeeSakura-

Sorry -cough, sputter- my friends.

-IDK tries to get up, but falls into the cauldron head first -

-thinks- _how does one dry a sixty-four foot hair?_'

**Faewillow**- Hey Lava Girl, or Wind Spirit, or whoever you are... exactly what are those 3 forbidden words?

-picks up all of the Voodoo dolls and removes all personal objects from them, ending the magic-

-hauls the bleeding, mumbling IDK out of his enviably large cauldron and uses Tenseiga to revive him-

Y'know... Sesshomaru is probably gonna want this back eventually...

-plucks the 64 foot long hair from his (IDK yells OUCH!) and uses it to tie him up-

-gingerly fishes the miniaturization facility out of the pot and points it at IDK-

Move only if you wanna find out if this thing still works.

**Sesshomaru**- -behind Faewillow- I would like to have my sword back, NOW.

**Faewillow**- O.O

-turning around quickly, trips over Tenseiga-

-feet go up... butt goes down... miniaturization facility hits floor & explodes, filling the area with smoke and dust-

-Looks around as the dust clears... everyone except IDK & Sesshomaru seems to have grown to monstrous proportions... and so is the cauldron... and the voodoo dolls...-

Wait a minute... hey, why do I sound like I've been breathing helium?

OH, NO! You guys aren't bigger... I'm smaller... and so is IDK...

and...!

-makes very squeaky but otherwise more than adequate use of the not-so-secret language of sailors -

-hands Sesshomaru, now a foot tall, the Tenseiga-

Um... sorry...?

-thinks about trying to fit into her own pocket-

**DarkBlazer**- Whew!

-gets tired from actions and sits down-

Huh?

-hears a squash and a while bunch of muffles-

-Gets up and sees 2D faewillow, IDK, and Sesshomaru on the ground-

I did nothin'!

-Whistles and walks away-

-turns to see a chicken come-

**chicken**- -tries to peck at the three reformed figures-

**DarkBlazer**- uh, need help?

**wind spirt**- the wordz- h-pe, w-sh, d-eam, & any prefixez two those wordz for ex.. ly,ing ect.

**IDontKnow**- FAEWILLOW!! What have you done to us

-IDK screams, and then breaks out in giggling fits because he sounds like a diver on HelOx-

-looks in jeans pocket for a- AHHHHH HERE IT IS

I can still have my revenge on you all! -produces sewing thimble and fills it with leftover Gatorade-

I shall boil you yet, even in something as small as...

**Chicken**- -suddenly picks up IDK and runs away with him as the demon is heard to shout THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!-

**IDontKnow**- -thinks- _maybe I shoulda called Col. Sanders and ordered a chicken dinner today!_'

_Maybe Sesshomaru will kill Faewillow for me, if he can stop singing show tunes from South Pacific long enough!_'

**SakuraSango**- -watches the chicken carryin IDK away-

-looks at the others 'n sighs-

I'll get him...Get back over here u stupid thing...

-grabs a spatula 'n a frying pan-

Give me back IDK or I'll cook u up...

**Chicken**- -looks at the pan 'n gasps accidentally swallowing IDK-

**SakuraSango**- O.O I swear I didn't do it this time...I swear -hears sirens-

Ummm...bye...

**CeeKari**- -grabs chicken and squeezes-

-IDK flies out of its beak, along with a jewel shard-

-looks down at small Sessy and Faewillow-

-scoops them both up in a jar and puts it carefully on a shelf-

Hm... -covers jar and begins charging a quarter apiece to see the "leprechauns"-

**Faewillow**- -pounds on side of jar-

LEMME OUTTA HERE!!!

wait a minute...

-looks over Sesshomaru-

**Sesshomaru**- -glaring- -says something about- When I get out of this, you will die-

**Faewillow**- O.O

-realizes inside this jar is the safest place to be-

um... on second thought, just leave me in here... this is fine, really!

U

-pulls curtain out of her pocket & hangs it around the inside of the jar-

-the curtain rustles and shakes-

-pulls curtain down a few moments later to reveal that she is now wearing renaissance garb and faerie wings-

-pulls the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglass Adams, out of her pocket, and sits down to reread it, since it's been about 7 years since the last time-

**DarkBlazer**- -gets fae out of jar-

-get out miniaturizing thingy out of pocket and shoots at fae-

I made my own! Yay!!! Oops...

-shot makes fae as small as a flea-

-releases Sesshomaru and makes him large-

**Sesshomaru**- Where is that idiot anyway?

**Dark Blazer**- Who knows.

**Sesshomaru**- -changes to Demon Form and tries to sniff out fae-

**Pnkx**- okay, I see the InuYasha forum has been turned into 24hr fanfiction "a story in progress"

. 

But anyway, I'm back people if u didn't know. been gone for like a year, its like "no one cares" huh? Teehehheh. I'm confused, are the new eps on the 24 or 29 of April? I bet everyone hates when people ask that question -- sowwy.

**Faewillow- -**hops onto Pnkx's shoulder & speaks into ear- in the news area of this site it says new eps on Saturday April 24th at 11:30 PM eastern (M.A.S.K. fan also says so in one of the threads on this board) and it's supposed to be 2 eps every Thursday night

(unless AS changes their mind again) and the fanfic/roll play is only until then.

-hops from Pnkx to hide from Sesshomaru in IDK's purple follicles-

HA! Sesshomaru will NEVER find me in here!!!

-follicles frolic wildly as Faewillow begins building small nest-

**IDontKnow** - -still miniaturized looks for Faewillow- I know you're up here

somewhere.

-runs fingers through hair- I sense an unusual amount of Frolicking in the Follicles which provide Considerable Coverage to the Oxipital Lobe of my Curvaceous Cranium!

-Goes to Pet Store and buys a box of Hartz Mountain Flea Powder and sprinkles it on the offending cranial area-

let me get u off my head and I will see if this can make you normal again.

-Holds bottle of Faewillow's Faerie Dust next to head so that the now flea-sized Faewillow can see it.-

( POOF! Myoga appears, holding a piece of paper in one of his hands )

**Myoga**- I resent this! My contract with Cartoon Network states Explicitly that I am the ONLY flea to be depicted in ANY manner with regard to the Inuyasha series, or it's spin-off's (and THIS definitely qualifies as a Spin-off!) So pay up or my union boss will pay you a visit one night!

**IDontKnow-** -steps on Myoga and douses him with the rest of the flea powder-

**Ultimate Creature II**- day and weeks later...and I'm STILL LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SakuraSango**- -Walks around with the fryin pan- Where is that dumb chicken...I'm hungry...

-sees an angry IDK-

'k I swear I didn't know that he was goin to swallow u like that...Hey let me help u find Fae there...

-sits with a comb 'n combs IDK's hair- Sooner or later I'm goin to find u...

**Chicken**- -wipes brow- Good thing she has a short termed memory...

**IDontKnow**- I have had my head shrunken,

I have had my head enlarged,

I have had my hair ripped out, and put back,

I have had my bald spots filled in with Faewillow's magic daffodils,

I have tried to escape you crazy people and been shot down off the Empire State Building by F-14s,

I have been shot twice for saying words I did not know I said,

I have been reduced to the status of chicken-feed,

I have been tortured with Voodoo,

I have been poisoned by bad Chinese food (still in character in another thread)

I have been threatened with death, and through it all I STILL haven't found a Maiden to Boil for my hair potion.

Add to that that Naraku showed up and shrunk my head while Kagura was trying to take it off, and the fact that I spent a great deal of time locked in Kanna's mirror, and you will understand why I am nuts! LOL

-considers inventing Boil-in-Bag dehydrated Maidens just for this purpose-

And btw, chickens don't taste so good from the inside!

-stops and thinks- Oh yeah and I was arrested in Miami when an overzealous security screener strip-searched me and a security guard came at me with hair clippers.

And only Faewillow's Faerie dust saved me from being incarcerated indefinitely for "streaking" across the tarmac at a dead "run"!

-files patent for boil-in-bag idea-

**faewillow**- o

-sneezes violently as IDK's flea dust falls around her, stirring IDK's follicles into a ferocious frolicking frenzy-

. 

Hey, that stuff's poisonous!!! Poor Myoga...

O.O

-shrieks and dodges the (to faewillow) giant teeth of SakuraSango's comb-

-jumps into the vial of faerie dust in full view of everyone, including Sesshomaru-

guess I'm an offending area now... hmmm, should've watched my language back there

**Sesshomaru**- Give that to me! -as he approaches IDK to claim the vial with his intended victim-

( an unpredictable chemical reaction takes place between the flea powder and the faerie dust, causing a tiny explosion which shoots faewillow up Sesshomaru nose )

**Faewillow**- EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

( works her way up to the brain, where she begins playing with various nerves in the cerebellum )

**Sesshomaru**- -twitches, then begins an award-deserving performance of "Oom Pah-Pah" from the musical "Oliver" as faewillow begins searching the cerebrum for the area that will make him forget she exists-

**DarkBlazer**- -Shoots miniaturizing thingy at faewillow-

Yay!!!

-fae becomes big, but in the process, Sesshomaru blows up-

-Scratches head nervously-

Oops...

-Sesshomaru tries and haunts fae and me for the rest of his life-

I screwed up again!!! NO!!!

**IDontKnow**- Give her back to me I want to make her normal

O.o

-ponders how to make a crazy person normal-

-picks up the even more miniaturized Sesshomaru and blows hard in his right ear, an ear which was hard to get a hold of because of all the twitching-

This should get her out.

-Inhales a huge breath and blows-

( As expected Faewillow comes flying out of the nose of Sesshomaru, carrying half the nerves in the Cerebro-cortex with her, she lands in the grass next to Myoga )

( The flea demon, seeing the beautiful faewillow holding a handful of Sesshomaru brain, is overcome by her and resolves to catch her come what may! )

**Faewillow**- -runs for her very, uh, very, oh yeah LIFE, that's it!-

**Sesshomaru**- -is laying on the ground twitching, Trying to remember the words to Mary Had A Little Lamb, and forgetting that Mary had the lamb, not the other way round!-

**CeeKari**- o.o

This has definitely taken a very strange turn. So we need to unshrinking Fae, right?

-ponders while trying to ignore the brainless Sessy- Hmmm. Does anyone have blueprints for an un-miniaturization facility?

**Star Gazer**- -grabs Faewillow's fairy dust and looks at the ingredients list- Hmmm

So that's what's in there.

-sits down and writes it down so she can try making some later-

-sees a note- to add a twist try saying a magic word while sprinkling on the subject-

-Sees a small speck run by her at the speed of a snail-

Oh Faewillow. I want to try something. come here test subject.

-Grabs a pinch and mumbles some words into it and blows it on Faewillow-

Darn nothin happened. Hmmm what did I do wrong?


	5. Chapter 4

**SakuraSango**- -looks at the brainless Sessy-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did this haveta happen to u!!!!!!

-grabs the fairy dust from Star Gazer-

That's it...I'm goin Faewillow huntin if anyone wants to join...

**Faewillow**- -gets up from beside Myoga and rubs a sore left cheek-

How come I keep landing on my butt?

-sneezes as the faerie dust lands all over her again-

-notices a chunk of brain matter in her other hand, labeled "memories of that obnoxious twit, faewillow"-

-smashes it-

-reaches beside her and finds still miniaturized Tenseiga-

hope this works...

-uses tiny sword on the not-so-tiny Sesshomaru and watches as his demon body very slowly comes back to life-

**Sesshomaru**- -sits up with a nasty headache and a case of selective Amnesia- What was I doing again?

**Faewillow**- -feels faerie dust working- OO

-uses blade of Tenseiga to examine her very long and (now) purple hair and green skin-

ah, crud

-heads to the last sink that was thrown at her to wash off the faerie dust-

**faewillow**- -watches as the sink turns into an antique bathtub with feet and everything-

well, guess the dust still works

-takes off to hide-

**IDontKnow**- Now that I have applied for a patent for my boil-in-bag dehydrated, condensed maiden idea I shall turn my attention to the problem of Sesshomaru:

-Logs into Inuyasha Guide Chat room-

Hi Lexx. -Takes out a screwdriver and wrench and removes the head from the bot-

Now let's see. If I take these two circuit boards and cross-circuit them,

-pulls out soldering iron and puts a drop on each contact-

and take the blue and red wires and connect them to the green one over here...

-for hours IDK works-

TADA! -Logs out of chat room, Lexx is nothing but a pile of connectors and unused PVC piping-

I have it! -goes over to the still not quite with-it Sesshomaru-

Sit still, I gotta strap this on you

-puts a backpack on the half-demon brother of Inuyasha- and hook in the battery -plugs in 9v battery- and flip a switch

-flip-

**Lexx**- -in an electronic-sounding monotone- Thrrrp! Awk! I am Lexx. I am the all-powerful and all-knowing ruler of the chat room. I must ban every user here on the message board is less than my own!

**IDontKnow**- How high is your IQ Lexx, uh, Sesshomaru?

**Lexx**- So high it is beyond human comprehension.

**IDontKnow**- -thinks- _Maybe this was a bad idea._

-runs away from the Lexx/Sesshomaru hybrid leaving Faewillow, CeeKari, DarkBlazer, SakuraSango and the rest of them to fend off the hideous creation-

**faewillow**- -examines Sess-Lexx-aru-

Doesn't look like Lexx to me... looks more like 790... if someone gets that thing off of him, he'll go back to normal...

-suddenly remembers that IDK was going to make her normal-

-shudders in horror at the thought-

**IDontKnow**- - comes running back to Lexxhomaru or SessLexxmaru or whatever carrying an oscilloscope.-

-Plugs scope into (thankfully) hidden data port- boy are his Alpha waves off the chart!

-grabs huge vice grip pliers and pulls the top off Lexxhomaru's head- hmmm

-makes a slight turn on a knob and checks the scope-

He should be okay now.

And I didn't mean I was going to make you 'normal' Faewillow. That would be impossible for anyone to do! I meant Normal Sized!

**SessLexxmaru**- -in an electronic monotone sings AH SWEET MYSTERY like Mario Lanza-

**IDontKnow**- -smacks him on the head-

**SessLexxmaru**- AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS -like Walter Cronkite-

**IDontKnow**- -smacks him again-

**SessLexxmaru**- Eh? What's Up Doc? -like Bugs Bunny-

**IDontKnow**- I gotta fix his audio processor too, I guess.

Well, back to the drawing board! -pulls the battery out of SessLexxmaru and picks him up and carries him away-

**wind spirt**- faewillow.....-take double slashed & blood stained hand & blood stained gun as she shakily shotz-

**anime89**- -takes the gun from the shaky hands of wind spirt and shoots-

damn it no bullets

-drops the gun. performs a bunch of hand movements moving all the charka to her hands-

spirit GUNNNNN!

-realizing some are still moving anime89 performs a summoning jutsu-

( enter shippo, robin, tak, and jing with kir )

**Shippo**- -turns into a clone of anime 89 and performs an equally powerful spirit gun-

**Robin**- -sets what's left on fire-

**Tak**- -runs over the corpses-

**Jing**- -yells- Give me a kir royal!!

**anime89**- -gets up brushes off the ash and blood from her nofx t-shirt- Ahh finally this whole conversation was dragging on too long. Glad I finally ended it!

-starts walking away but heard a tree branch crack, she turns around-

gasp!

**SakuraSango**- -steps away from the zoo-

'k that's the last time I give everyone super sweet soda...

-chases IDK- Gimme my Sessy...look at what u did to back here...

-holds up her mallet-

I'm gonna get u for this one...then Faewillow's next...

**Faewillow**- O.O

-dives to the ground as the bullet, which looks huge to a flea-sized person, flies over her tiny head-

um... sorry? Oh, yeah... said the "h" word... U

-notices magic in the air and looks up to see blast from spirit gun flare across the room-

Uh-oh....

-picks up still miniaturized Tenseiga hops from person to person using it as needed-

-notices as she moves that her arms & legs are getting longer-

well... I guess spirit energy and faerie dust react together... now I look like Betty Spaghetti...

**IDontKnow**- -takes SessLexxmaru into the chat-

I gotta fix u or SakuraSango will murder me

( replacing main CPU controller with Silly Putty and stamping instructions on it, IDK replaces the head of SessLexxmaru )

How does that feel?

**SessLexxmaru**- Faewillow must die!

**IDontKnow**- Yup! He is back to normal

-leaves chat and presents SessLexxmaru II to SakuraSango-

When you want him to say something just pull the string I put in his back, like this

-Pulls string-

**SessLexxmaru**- Faewillow must die

**IDontKnow**- -Pulls string again-

**SessLexxmaru**- Faewillow must give me Tenseiga, then she will die

**IDontKnow**- I know his vocabulary is limited, but I made him like a Furbee, he can be re-taught everything he needs to know!

**DarkBlazer**- -for no reason, has tetsusaiga-

Now Sesshomaru, or what ever your name is, you must die! (Unfortunately, he cannot see the wind scar)

-attacks, but just bounces off-

Why won't this thing work?! (Knows that he cannot see wind scar, but isn't aware of it)

-runs for his life with the tetsusaiga-

**IDontKnow**- -The still tiny and slow-witted but swift of foot IDK takes off running after DarkBlazer-

You may have damaged SessLexxmaru with that thing! Give me that sword!

-stops running-

Why should I do all the work, oh I wish I was normal size again.

-Goes to SakuraSango- Gimme back the SessLexxmaru I gave you!

-snatches the Demon-Cyborg from SakuraSango-

When I am done with this reprogramming, DarkBlazer will be nothing but a DarkBlazing burn mark on the ground! Muwhahahahahahahaha!

-Snatches SakuraSango's Mallet, and writes instructions on its massive head- Thank you!

-Takes Mallet and with a mighty swing hits the Demon-Cyborg in the head-

Gotta hit him hard enough for the impressions I made on the head of your mallet to impress on the Silly Putty that makes up his brain

Now Go and Kill Dark Blazer! MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Little do they know I also programmed it to destroy CeeKari, and someone I won't name, all before he brings me Faewillow to boil!

I don't want to boil her for my hair potion anymore, I just want her to boil!

**DarkBlazer**- -runs to IDK and places tetsusaiga on his neck-

Tell him to stop, or I'll kill you! This blade may not be sharp enough to kill a demon, but it is for a puny human! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ah, who cares about you?

-chops IDK's head off and throws it into SessLexxmaru or whatever-

**SessLexxMaru**- -gets sick and falls to the ground-

**IDontKnow's Body**- -starts to go into the hybrid's mouth to search for its lost head-

**DarkBlazer- -**falls anime style-

**SakuraSango**- -runs to Faewillow 'n grabs the Tenseiga- Here I come IDK...I'm the only one that's gonna kill u...

-grabs his head 'n sets it on the body-then slashes him with the Tenseiga-

There...

Oops...-looks at IDK's head which is upside down-

Darn...knew I should have looked at the instructions...

Lookin good there IDK...just don't look in any mirrors...'k

**CeeKari**- -takes a spare pair of Faewillow's pants and throws DarkBlazer and faewillow into the pocket-

Stay there while I fix this SessLexx thing, ok?

-borrows SakuraSango's mallet and bops the SessLexx over the head-

-opens the cranium and removes silly putty- This should work!

-drops a game boy advance, coat hanger, and two oranges into the SessLexx's head, then replaces the cranium lid-

There we go! Everyone, meet Sexxy!

**IDontKnow**- -looking at the world from a different perspective- Hmmmm

It's official, now EVERYBODY gets it!

-Taking Amino Acetate, sticks head back on right side up-

-Goes through Kagome's well and returns with a 155mm Howitzer battery and 400 nuclear artillery shells.-

I shall have soooo much fun destroying everything in this place.

-Laughs evilly and rams home a shell into the breach and fires, after which the insane demon launches three more shells.-

Let them try to stop these, they can not intercept all of them.

-another four shell volley streaks skyward-

I have had way too much of being shot, stabbed, hacked, blown up, stripped naked, buried in paperwork, and all the rest. MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**The First Three Shells**- -land and devastation occurs-

**IDontKnow**- TeeHeeHee THIS ONE'S FOR THE NEXT PERSON WHO COMES NEAR ME!

-Pulls lanyard and another shell streaks skyward- I am going to VAPORIZE everything!

**Sky**- -eerie green color as more shells land in different places-

**IDontKnow**- Let them beat me now! I have WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

**Darlkana**- -comes run up all out of breath- I finally got it!!! -looks around-

ok I'm completely lost... I thought I told everyone to stay out of trouble... I just don't see why I even try I go away to get a few things and come back everything is crazy as after.

-takes a deep breath- ok that's enough lecture it's time to get busy... but first I need someone to explain to me what is going on??? lol

**DarkBlazer**- -strips fae of clothes and pushes her out of the pocket-

Does this attract your attention, or make you feel better, or whatever?!

**SakuraSango**- -having somehow escaped all of the shells walks over 'n grabs her mallet 'n goes to IDK 'n whacks him extra hard on the head-

Bad boy, eh, bad...man it feels like I'm punishin one of my dogs...BAD BOY!!

No tryin to destroy others...

**CeeKari**- -tries to explain what's going on to Darlkana while tossing a towel to faewillow-

It all started when IDK was trying to boil a maiden for a hair potion. Instead, super Rogaine was used (or was is a jewel shard) to make IDK's hair grow. Then we found that faewillow has a black hole in her pocket. You can find anything in there, and anything you put in there goes to Bermuda. We found a miniaturization facility in her pocket and it's been used and broken and fixed so many times, I'm still not sure who is what size...

Don't say the words wsh, dram, or hpe around windspirit as it

results in being shot at.

Don't send put any guy into Faewillow's pocket, they send back postcards with pictures of them in bikinis. We learned this the hard way with Naraku.

Um, that's about it.

**Faewillow**- -fashions towel into a toga-

Thanks for the towel CeeKari! I'll be right ba...

-interrupted by the sudden arrival of a postcard-

00

. 

-shows everyone the postcard picture of DarkBlazer in a hot pink ruffled French bikini-

HAHA!!! That's whatcha get for robbing me of my dignity (ok well I never had that, but you took my CLOTHES!) and launching a visual a$$-ult on the entire room!

-climbs back into pocket to retrieve her clothes-

-emerges, fully dressed-

-returns towel to CeeKari-

Thanks!

**SakuraSango**- -grabs the postcard of DarkBlazer- I'm hangin this one in the hall of the rec room here...

-looks at the postcard- Oh yeah this will make a lot smile...thanks

**IDontKnow**- -Rubs head- SakuraSango? Why Aren't you dead? Why isn't the entire area glowing purple like my hair? -points to glowing, flowing purple locks-

-Lets out a blood curdling scream- I MUST BOIL SOMEONE I MUST I MUST

I MUST I MUST I MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Insanity overtakes the poor, purple-haired demon for whom no one has any compassion at all-

I WISH I could DREAM up some scheme to get rid of these people...-sees Faewillow's postcard- well, maybe not ALL of these people! LOL hmmm.

-conjures another huge cauldron (amazing what I can do when I am only a foot tall, ain't it?) and takes off in pursuit of the no longer flea-sized faewillow!-

Please let me boil u! I saw the postcard, just think of it as a hot bath! Yeah! That's it. A REAL HOT bath.

-continues to look for Faewillow-

-a light bulb goes off over IDK's head-

SessLexxmaru? Go Get It! -shows the Cyborg Faewillow's pic- FETCH!

**Faewillow**- -dumps a pint of cheap rose scented bubble bath into the boiling cauldron so that it bubbles over-

-writes FAEWILLOW on an 8&1/2 by 11 inch piece of paper-

-tapes it to IDK's back-

-Giggles, watching as SessLexxMaru grabs IDK and heads for the rosy, bubbling cauldron-

**Ultimate Creature II**- ...................

**CeeKari**- Don't worry about the towel, fae. I always have one with me. Not to mention my copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...

-sees Sess-Lexx-what-its-face-thingamajig going after IDK-

No! Take pity on the poor purple follicled creature!

-jumps in front of IDK and pulls out tetsusaiga- -it doesn't transform-

Of course, IDK isn't human!

**Faewillow**- -overcome with pity for poor, downtrodden IDK, at the last moment before he is tossed into the boiling bubble bath, removes the sign from his back and puts it onto Sessy's butt-

**Sesshomaru**- -spends the better part of the night chasing the sign, just like a dog chasing his tail-

**TwilightDragon**- -goes to a place where all can see while wearing a seductive bikini-

like my bikini?

-chuckles-

**IDontKnow**- Yes That is me

-looks at bullet hole scars and the scars from the various skull fractures, and burn marks, and purple hair-

Downtrodden.

-IDK picks up a hammer and nails and builds a soup kitchen-

All the poor and downtrodden are welcome here.

-Thousands of people line up-

-IDK hires SessLexxMaru to be a waiter-

Take that sign off your butt and get to work! I have the downtrodden to feed

-taking a huge cauldron and making soup by the thousands of bowls, IDK takes the first bowl for himself-

This is good

-suddenly he hears- There's a hair in my soup!

-before he knew it the Sengoku Jidai Health Department had red tagged the soup kitchen, impounded the kettle, shaved his head and thrown him in jail-

I don't look good in Prison Stripes -sob-

**DarkBlazer**- -breaks wall of IDK's prison with Tetsusaiga-

Come on, baka! Get in the damn car! (car is a truck, actually)

-IDK jumps in and starts cursing at the prison-

Be thankful, and here are some new clothes.

-hands INK regular outfit-

And I'm still a freakin' girl! So there!

**IDontKnow**- -Like another famous combination IDK and DarkBlazer take off from the prison at full speed-

-IDK looks at DarkBlazer-

Which one of us is Bonnie and which one of us is Clyde?

( Suddenly the truck hits a pothole and goes careening off the road into a tree. Just as we escape, the truck explodes and the steering wheel flies through the air knocking IDK on his now bald pate and knocking him unconscious )

**Dark blazer- -**flees-

( This time, when IDK is captured he wakes up in a SuperMax prison confined to one of the underground isolation cells )

**IDontKnow**- What happened?

-IDK awakens to see the warden outside his cell-

**Warden**- You thought that last jailbreak was "Hairy" just go ahead and TRY to get out of here! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!

**IDontKnow**- -sings- Oh if I had the wings of an angel, over these prison walls I would fly...

Hmmm. FLY?

**SakuraSango**- -looks around completely lost- Where is IDK???

-sees a giant purple mound in front of a soup kitchen walks over to it and picks up a handful-

Uh-oh I don't think I wanna see him...

-turns 'n runs away screamin like an idiot about how it's the end of the world-

**faewillow**- -shakes head in confusion-

DarkBlazer, how did I get the idea that you were a guy?

Weird... sorry 'bout that...

totally ruins the bikini punishment, and I gotta do something, since you em-bare-$$ed me so badly.

Hmmmmm....

-notices IDK's purple hair on the floor-

-Looks at DarkBlazer-

-pulls out vial of faerie dust and a sparkly wand-

'k, come here a sec... this won't hurt a bit...

**IDontKnow**- -Meanwhile in the SuperMax jail -The now bald (again) IDK tries to think of a way to escape-

Uh...nope, won't work.

-Thinks some more- Nope. That won't work either.

-In a light bulb moment worthy of General Electric- AHA!

-Goes to prison machine shop and gets parts and carries them back to his cell-

-goes to secret cache of tools and gets what he needs-

This should do nicely!

-IDK works for a loooooooooong time-

It is done, this hand-held portable Genetic Code Modifier (HPGCM) should get me outta here!

-IDK looks and looks- AH!

-Finding a fly on the wall IDK shoots it with the device, and then shoots himself-

-suddenly IDK shrinks to the size of a fly and sprouts wings and compound-eyes with 1,000 parts-

Bzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzz

**IDontKnow**- -Thinks- _This is great! Now all I have to do is fly out between the bars and I will be free!_'

**Warden**- -Suddenly appears with a thousand cans of RAID Flying Insect Killer aimed at IDK actually, it was ONE can seen through a compound eye!-

**IDontKnow**- -Flies trying to escape, but too late-

-coughing and sputtering begins to sing- Coming In On A Wing And A Prayer -lands on the floor where he begins to write his will-

**SakuraSango**- -still running screamin about the end of the world-

-stops in front of a old grey building- Ohhh this looks like a cool place to check out...

-walks past the sign 'SuperMax Jail' 'n goes into the building 'n goes exploring-

an empty jail cell...-walks in 'n looks around-

'k so this is borin...

-turns 'n walks out stepping on the IDK fly who's working on his will- squishing him.-

**IDontKnow**- -gets caught on the bottom of the shoe as SakuraSango walks out of the jail-

**DarkBlazer**- Fae, I am a guy you idiot! I have the ability to turn to any gender I want with just a press of the edit button, hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'll put my real data now, and try to get IDK back. He seems like a likely ally...

-looks at the ground while Tetsusaiga scrapes the ground, making everyone except himself deaf-

**IDontKnow**- -Stuck to the bottom of SakuraSango's Shoe- -Fly-IDK ponders- This is not good. Not good at all!

-Taking the device in his, uh, yeah, mandibles! That's it! Fly-IDK shoots SakuraSango and then himself with it-

It is the end of the world for YOU my lovely, by the time our genes are done mixing you will wish I had finished boiling you! -The device does its thing The result is HIDEOUS-

**BolshackDragon**- -Finally finds IDK, but looks like a weird hybrid- Okay. This is messed.

-draws Tetsusaiga-

Beware, I have recently seen the power of the Wind Scar, and you will...!

**Inuyasha**- That's mine. -comes and takes back his sword, and disappears-

**BolshackDragon**- -crouches down and hugging himself into a ball- MOOOOMMEEEE!!!!

**SakuraSango**- -holds stomach- God why does it hurt soo much...maybe I ate too many tacos yesterday...

-bends over in pain not seeing the transformations that were taking place-

-gets- fly wings appear on the back, her hair disappears 'n she shrinks to the size of a thumb-

**IDontKnow**- -gets long sandy blonde hair, grows taller 'n has the eyes of a fly...-

**Darlkana**- I'm back -insane laughter-

-grabs microphone and starts to sing off tune very badly- I want at CHANGE the WOLRD b/c it REALLY sucks...

hehehe -stops singing throws microphone down and chants while waving arms in the air- Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha

**IDontKnow**- SakuraSango just ended this story for me I think -admires BILLIONS of long blonde locks through Compound eye- I can't WAIT to see how this turns out...

-finds SakuraSango's Amex Card and goes on a shopping spree at Rodeo Drive-

-starts to sing in a deep voice which is really unconvincing- I Enjoy Being A Girl...

Gee. I wonder what my eye doctor will say when he sees THESE babies LOL

**BolshackDragon**- Wow. Now IDK can have it both ways! Lucky bd. So, who are the two lucky people that'll do him? Note: I'm DarkBlazer. I just suddenly got obsessed with Duel Masters.

Faewillow- Oh, that's IT!

-throws faerie dust all over DarkBlazer/Bolshack Dragon or whoever you are-

-points sparkly wand-

-a beam of light comes out the front-

-Bolshack turns into a really large butterfly-

**IDontKnow**- Dark Whatever LOL Doctor Frankenstein was the first to "DO" me. Ask around and u will see that some of my components were built in East Germany! Ah his Bavarian castle was a sight to behold on the weekends, and OH the parties he could throw...oops wrong story!

-higher then normal voice- One of the items I bought on my spree was an off the shelf Genetic Detangler...if I can find SakuraSango-Fly I can turn us both back to normal! But first...

-Goes into high muckety-muck salon for a wash and set. Everyone stares at Femme-IDK because of the stunning good looks they see.-

-Unfortunately the clerk makes a mistake and gives FemmeIDK a PERM-

-A very curly, very pink do results-

-Femme-IDK departs the salon for the corner of Hollywood and Vine-

**BolshackDragon**- A really large butterfly? This is like Dark Cloud 2. Hey...

-flies to Fae and attacks her with numerous rainbow attacks and light shots that can give damage-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! NOW DIE!!!!!!!

**IDontKnow** (**eh- Femme-IDK**)- -STEPS IN FRONT OF FAEWILLOW TO DEFLECT THE RAINBOW ATTACKS AND LIGHT-

us girls gotta stick together :)

-in the process of deflecting the attacks, notices a fly. Shoots fly with the genetic detangler and then shoots self-

**SakuraSango**- -returns to normal, with a slight problem. Rainbow colored hair where her blonde locks used to be.-

**IDontKnow**- -returns to normal (??!!) except for the long pink hair and one other thing...-

**Faewillow**- IDK, how heroic! Thanks!!

-grabs huge butterfly net-

Now for the bug...

-Chases Bolshack Butterfly around the room, jumping over objects & people in the process-

-Nets her prey-

Ah-HA!

-Sprinkles on another handful of faerie dust onto the struggling bug and mutters incoherently-

**Bolshack Butterfly**- -turns into a fuzzy bunny-

**Faewillow**- Awwwww... how cute...

-suddenly remembers the vorpal bunny from Monty Python & the Holy Grail-

O.O

-Carefully puts Bolshack bunny down and starts searching pockets for holy hand grenade, just in case-

**BolshackDragon**- It doesn't matter! I know many creatures that are bunnies and are powerful, such as...

Terriermon! From Digimon Tamers! HAHAHA!!!!!

-does many Digimon attacks-

Bunny Blaster!

Tiny Twister!

Blazing Fire!

Terrier Tornado!

Head Slam!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Now die!!!!!

**IDontKnow- -**Throws the one other thing over Faewillow to protect her from the various attacks of Nearly Dark (Twilight) Dragon-

Even though I thought this thing was WAYYYYYYYYYYY to big for me I am glad I found SOME use for it!

Now...this is MY story and MY plot. No one gets to kill, boil, dehydrate, eviscerate, dissect, autopsy, maim, destroy, or genetically modify ANYONE unless I order it done or do it myself!

-Takes off after Twilight Dragon with a Thompson sub-machine gun, hand grenades, and various instruments of destruction-

**faewillow**- one other thing...

o.o

um, who turned out the lights? Where's the bunny?

-fumbles with holy hand grenade-

O.O

uh-oh...

-shoves grenade back into her transdimensional pocket-

bye-bye Bermuda...


	6. Chapter 5

**TwilightDragon**- I just wanna say something ironic.

-checks ages of everyone an myself-

WHY AM I LIKE THE ONLY KID IN THIS FREAKIN' FAIRY TALE?!?!? IT AIN'T

FAIR!!!

**IDontKnow- -**throws the one other thing off faewillow and grabs the hand

grenade and throws it away just as it goes B O O M.-

It is sometimes inconvenient to have one of these...but it does come in handy to save someone LOL. In fact, I just got to save Bermuda!

-suddenly sees Twilight Dragon through the trees- BANG!

**TwilightDragon**- -drops to the ground to avoid being blasted-

**IDontKnow**- Hehehe I LOVE doing that!

-starts looking for SakuraSango-Fly-Girl-

**TwilightDragon- -**suddenly turns back human-

YAY!!!

-grabs a machine gun out of nowhere and starts to hunt for IDK-

I'm gonna get you...

**IDontKnow- -**Materializes the giant Cauldron which has become so loved and familiar in this story and puts it over himself

HeeHee Armor Plating! HeeHeeHee.

-digs a tunnel from under the giant cauldron and comes up next to faewillow-

I need to borrow one of your special talents...-crawls half-into fae's Bermuda Black Hole, and booby traps its entrance-

-Looking up at faewillow if you see Twilight-whatsisface around, don't tell him that I decided to blast and run! And hit him on the head with a sink for me will you?

-Hands fae a tape recorder on which is Twilight Dragon's voice saying SESSHOMARU IS A REAL SISSY GIRLEYMAN!-

When SakuraSango shows up, play this for her and tell her to go bop TD for me! And use this tape as evidence!

-dives through the pocket, straight into the arms of Yura, Kagura, Kanna, and Naraku-

I was SAFER with these guys LOL

**IDontKnow- -**IN Bermuda comes out of the end of the dimensional tunnel and lands squarely in the middle of a table at which are seated Naraku, Kagura, Kanna, and Yura of the Hair. A puddle of muddled Mai Tai's is the result-

**Voices**- What the Heck are YOU doing HERE? You spilled my drink! I hate You! The imbecile should learn how to land when he comes out of a dimensional gate!

**IDontKnow**- -so here I sit, surrounded by the Ultimate Force of Evil, an incensed Mistress of Wind (with a handful of very sharp blades, the Mistress of Nothing, and a woman who scares the daylights out of my follicles which frolic in fright whenever they see her! There is no chance of escape-

Uh, Hi guys and gals. HeeHee.

**CeeKari- -**CeeKari suddenly appears out of nowhere- Hi guys, it's been awhile... -looks around- Wow. This is a mess. Maybe I'll come back later...-disappears in a puff of green smoke, leaving behind a small present wrapped in shiny foil paper-

**Faewillow- -**pulls tape player out of her (other) pocket-

-Puts it IDK's tape & puts player on "loop" setting so the tape will play continuously-

-From the speakers comes the sound of IDK singing a Karaoke version of the theme song to Silver Spoons-

-discovers that the stop button is jammed, the tape won't come out, and the dmned thing won't turn off-

AAAARRRRRUUUUGH!

-pulls IDK out of her pocket-

Wrong tape, dude.

**TwilightDragon- -**shoots tape player-

There.

-gets out indestructible boom box with a setting of 1000000000 volume level-

-gets out a tape with IDK saying, "I WANNA # SESSHOMARU!!!"-

-gets ear plugs and stuffs them in ears, then turns puts tape in boom box and breaks the stop/eject button, and plays-

-goes off to buy some sniggers to drink(and also hunt down IDK still)-

**faewillow- -**sprinkles faerie dust on boom box-

-starts to mutter incantation but sneezes in the middle of it-

-boom box starts to turn into a newt, but after the sneeze it becomes an old juke box (really old... it takes DIMES) starts playing the Neutron Dance instead-

well, at least it's better than before...

-looks at IDK-

guess you'd better keep hiding under this One Other Thing...

**IDontKnow- -**Taking the wand from Faewillow and a half-vial of Faerie dust left over from the New York Trip IDK takes one gram of the dust and sprinkles it on one of Naraku's insects-

Go and Find Dark Dragon or Twilight Blazer or whatever his name is, then when you DO find him -whispers quietly to the insect- And then -whispers some more- Got it? Okay, now go!

-IDK sidles up to the bar and orders a root beer in a little umbrella glass-

-Nursing his uh, drink, IDK wanders down the beach- Bermuda is lovely this time of year... OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-as he scans the beach, contemplating future cortices, a sight more hideous than the flaming Hindenburg meets his eye-

NARAKU IN A THONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-IDK takes a sea shell and begins to gouge out his eyes-

Well, I can still have MUSIC to drown out the screaming in my head

-conjures up a Jukebox with Rogers and Hammerstein on the play list. Pulls out a pic of Faewillow- This is a better sight to see than Naraku in a Thong!

-What'll I Do begins to play as IDK breaks down in tears-

**TwilightDragon- -**smirks as he sees one of Naraku's insects-

Can I?

**Inuyasha**- -comes out of nowhere- Sure, here. -Throws Tetsusaiga to TD-

**TwilightDragon**- Thanks. WIND SCAR!!! -does a very powerful attack just to cut off one of its wings-

**Bug**- -flies away-

**TwilightDragon**- -follows-

Lead me to your master...

**IDontKnow**- Technically a human can not transform the sword BUT

-Still reeling from the sight of Naraku in a THONG (didn't cover NEARLY enough, I can tell you that, that I can!) throws up into a trash can and remembers that it was a good thing that he sprinkled some of Faewillow's dust on that insect.-

Whoever comes across that insect will have a hard time finding me, I hope someone like DarkBlazer, or TwilightDragon will follow Inuyasha's example and try to follow it back to me. The result should be fun indeed

Hey Yura! Gotta tell you, you look better in a Thong than He does!

-points to Naraku-

**Naraku- -**rolls over and looks up at IDK. He speaks quietly and ominously- I would strongly advise you to keep your opinions to yourself.

-casts a spell on IDK that both shrinks his head and expands something else.-

**IDontKnow**- -finds himself wearing only a bright pink Speedo, made of Lycra-Spandex-

That should give the girls something to be frightened of!

-but the Law of Unintended Consequences is still in force, because IDK is soon at the head of a veritable ARMY of cortices-

-sticks out tongue at Naraku- Good triumph's again over the force of E V I L! -once again sounding like a chipmunk-

**Naraku**- We will see, -goes back to sleep-

**TwilightDragon- -**after 40 days and 40 nights, twilight still hasn't found any source of any master-

Screw this.

-destroys bug-

**Bug**- -destroyed-

**TwilightDragon**- -sees a girl walk by-

Hello, have you've seen a freaky looking person?

**Girl-** You mean that ugly man? Yeah, at the beach.

**TwilightDragon**- -jumps like Inuyasha to the beach-

**Faewillow-** Oh, can't pass this up...

-crawls into her Bermuda pocket and approaches the back of the growing crowd of young fems around IDK-

-Begins talking animatedly to several of them, motioning to a wreath of flowers and a bunch of brightly colored ribbons-

-More of the crowd starts to listen to faewillow-

-within the group, the words "mayday" and "Morris dance" can be heard-

-Under Faewillow's instruction, the corruptible youth of the beach converge on IDK with the ritual instruments-

**TwilightDragon- -**destroys everyone in the beach except the gross Naraku, IDK, and fae-

-falls asleep cause used up too much energy-

**Inuyasha**- -guards Tetsusaiga, and Twilight in the process-

**IDontKnow-** You are not in Bermuda, I booby trapped Fae's pocket

-Takes out a portable time machine and winds it back to the day IDK landed by himself on da beach-

Its three days ago and Naraku still looks awful in a thong!

Thanks CeeKari, the contents of that little box came in handy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BERMUDA WITH NO DARK DRAGON

But you still have US to deal with!

**Naraku, Kagura, Kanna and Yura- -**start chasing IDK down the beach-

**TwilightDragon- -**finally wakes up

**Inuyasha**- Still want it?

**TwilightDragon**- Ya.

**Inuyasha**: Whatever. -disappears-

**TwilightDragon-** -Looks around to see no IDK in sight-

Where is that bd?

**Faewillow- -**digging through pockets, discovers new toy: a rapid growth cloning device-

-reads instructions: insert DNA sample to produce blank clone-

Blank?

-puts a piece from one of IDK's stray hairs into the device-

-several beeps and squeaks later a copy of IDK emerges from the device, dressed in the same clothing as IDK, an starts wandering around aimlessly, looking at stuff.-

-under careful examination, the clone appears to have no memories or pre-formed personality traits-

Oh, that must be what it means by 'blank'

-giggling, faewillow produces about 37 other copies of IDK-

-drops a few copies through her pocket into Bermuda-

all right, Naraku & TD, take yer pick!

a small headset on a wire drops from the side of the cloning device. Instructions on it say: Clone Programming Tool-

Hmmm... this has possibilities...

-pulls out a few hairs-

-starts making faeprogrammed faeclones-

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**TwilightDragon-** Now, I shall destroy you! Yaaa...a.a.a.a...

-falls asleep again snore-

**faewillow-** Asleep? Really?!?

-grins maniacally-

-giggles maniacally & wrings hands like the Grinch-

-puts sword in a safe place-

-pulls indestructible faerie rope from her pocket-

-hogties TwilightDragon-

-searches pocket for more faerie dust-

-Maniacal giggle turns to Maniacal laughter-

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

-sprinkles faerie dust on TwilightDragon while quietly chanting-

-sneezes-

**TwilightDragon**- -turns into a just-weaned beagle puppy-

**Faewillow**- Dmn... he was supposed to turn into a BAGEL, not a BEAGLE!!!!

-fashions faerie rope into a leash with a tiny collar & puts it on the puppy-

Well, this will have to do, I guess...

**TwilightDragon- -**still asleep-

-still asleep-

**Subconscious-** WAKE UP!!!

**TwilightDragon**-Still asleep-

**Subconscious-** $#& this...

**IDontKnow-** I have a problem here as I was running away from the fearsome foursome some time ago I met myself down at the end of the beach...then I met myself at a concession stand, then I met myself at the penny arcade and the souvenir shop (where I bought a nice little stuffed Naraku voodoo doll complete with pins for $29.95 plus tax. On top of being confused by meeting so many mes, as I am coming out of the shop, the cutest little Bagel puppy you ever saw peed on my leg! I picked up the dog, and held him real close to a sign that said NO DOGS ALLOWED ON THE BEACH and gave him a good swift kick in the rear!

And Fae, one of the other yous I met was doing really weird things with one of the other me's I met!

Oh by the way, where do things go when they pass through your pocket and we are already IN Bermuda...that dog I kicked made a perfect hole-in-one right into your pocket!

STOP THAT FAE! IDK KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gee, I did not know I was that obnoxious, and I didn't know I could do things like that --

Hmmmm!

**Faewillow- -w**here things go... Twilight Beagle falls on FaeClone's head-

does that answer your question?

**Faewillow- -**Tacks disclaimer up-

-Disclaimer says: Genetic donor not to be held responsible for actions of Clones-

-dusts hands together-

-digging around in pockets of holding-

-finds a huge supply of water "grenade" balloons-

Cool!!!

-begins filling balloons-

-begins handing balloons out to FaeClones-

-points out Twilight Beagle & IDK-

Sick 'em, girls!

-99 FaeClones attack the beach with a huge supply of water balloons!-

Muahahahahaha!!!!!

**IDontKnow-** (April 2)TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

ITS EASY TO SEE I'M MUCH CLOSER TO DEATH NOW

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME -AFTER SINGING THIS SONG, IDK DEPARTS THE FORUM TO CELEBRATE-


	7. Chapter 6

**Faewillow- **Happy B-day!

So are you 41 now?

Hmmm... a birthday celebration....

-evil grin-

-99 FaeClones surround IDK with big green water balloons-

Ready...

Aim...

FIRE!!!!!!!

**TwilightDragon**- Happy Birthday IDK. My family think a birthday is a curse cause the

mother has to go through labor. The hell with that.

**CeeKari**- Happy B-day, IDK. You've managed to escape Naraku's attempts to end

your life for another year! -grabs party hats out of fae's pocket-

Let's celebrate!

**IDontKnow**- -very green IDK emerges after Fae's assault with the balloons-

what is this, Saint Patrick's Day??????????

**Naraku, Kagura, Kanna and Yura**- -all hand IDK presents-

**IDontKnow**- Oh goody!

-Opening Naraku's finds a voodoo doll with pins stuck in, uh, well we won't go there but I been wondering what that runny ooze was-

-Gleefully opening Kagura's finds a special wind-blade-

**Kagura**- It can remove your head without my having to be here at all! Just put a double-A battery in it and watch it take off! HeeHee.

**IDontKnow**- -Opening Yura's present next I discover a special comb-

**Yura**- You'll find out what this does the first time you use it!

**IDontKnow**- -Last but not least I open Kanna's gift and find a small mirror inside the box. My formally frantically frolicking follicles get sucked into the mirror still frantically frolicking!-

**Kanna**- -in a monotone- I had Naraku make me a special mirror for you IDK it only sucks in hair. Hee. -points- you look funny when you're bald and green!

**IDontKnow**- -carefully puts the presents aside- thank you all very much. I appreciate the thought! But I'm going to get you all for this -and IDK storms off after the four misguided evil doers followed by a host of lovesick Fae-clones!

**Faewillow- **IDK, the balloons were green, but they were filled with ordinary water! I don't know why your skin changed...

-hides faerie dust behind back-

As for the clones, they seem to have settled into about age 24, the age at which I had reached my greatest state of obnoxiousness.

**FaeClone #37**- -outruns IDK and stops him-

**FaeClone #88**- -hogties IDK-

**FaeClone #53- -**applies some kind of pink goo to his bare scalp-

-A rainbow of brightly colored tresses sprout from IDK's goo covered scalp-

**FaeClone #12**- -quickly weaves the rainbow hair into about 20 little brightly colored braids & ties jingle bells on the ends-

**Faewillow**- BAD CLONES!!! You cut that out!

**Clones**- -run off to torment someone else, leaving IDK tied up on the beach-

**Faewillow**- See what I mean?

-Begins untying the hog-tied, green-skinned, rainbow-braided IDK-

**IDontKnow- -**Now feeling as ridiculous as he looks, shakes his head and starts to sing Jingle Bells-

Hmmm...those FaeClones seem to think highly of me, perhaps if I relent and promise not to boil them all for making me the object of ridicule, I could start a harem and they could be its first inductees.

24 was the height of your obnoxiousness eh? I been obnoxious since I was born, and I've had MUCH more experience at it than any of you!

-The now 41 year old rainbow-haired, green skinned IDK wanders off.-

-Along the way finds an unsuspecting FaeClone. IDK whips out his cauldron fills it with water and throws FaeClone #2 into it-

I always wanted to boil Faewillow, maiden or not. Only now I will have to settle for the Clone-A-Matic imitation, and HOPE that the potion I produce will return my hair to its normal color!

-adds Alberto No. 5, Vitalis, Brilcream, Manoxidil, three old gym socks and a pair of rotten ostrich eggs to the mix-

Rubs hands together- now, in just a minute, I should have normal hair once again...

**Faewillow- **Oh, I'd say 24 through about 27... about then, I became a little more

reserved...

-looking at cauldron-

Number 2! Get outta there before...

**Tag on the back of FaeClone #2's neck**- -says: Cold wash only; dry flat-

**#2**- Uh-oh... -she begins to shrink rapidly-

**Faewillow**- Ah, crap... IDK, look what you did to #2!!!

**other FaeClones**- -gather around, looking rather upset-

**IDontKnow- -**submits meekly and makes no move to run- do your worst girls, I deserve it.

-writes will-

-buys casket through AARP- I'm over 40 now I can do that!

-writes eulogy for his hair-

-waits for the faeclones to kill him-

**TwilightDragon- -**Still a dog... jumps on IDK's shoulder and waits, because he has nothing to do-

**IDontKnow**- -IDK drops dog into Cauldron- Nothing to do, you can boil in my pot

MUWHAHAHAHAHA!

The faeclones may kill me, but I will never be taken alive! And since I'll never be taken alive, I might as well enlist someone else to participate in my fun!

**TwilightDragon**- -Hearing this vile threat jumps out of the cauldron, and runs for help.-

**Now shrunken FaeClone #2- -**clinging to his Hartz Mountain flea collar-

**FaeClones- -**notice the beagle puppy and subject the area to a thunderous chorus of "Awwwww, how cute!"-

**FaeClone #21**- -picks up TwilightBeagle & does the girley-voice puppy routine- Isn't him a cute widdle puppy doggy... Izzem a good doggy? Yezzim is!!!

**Several FaeClones**- -walk away in disgust at #21's display-

**Several other FaeClones**- -gather to comment on the "cute widdle puppy doggy-

**FaeClones #42, 55, and 69**- -haul IDK off to an undisclosed place, carrying a rope and some itching powder-

**FaeClone #2**- -looks around to see everyone gone and yells- helLOW!!! Shrinkage, here!! Yo, anybody wanna get me outta this cauldron? It stinks in here!

**FaeClone #1- -**plucks the petite person from the pot, splashing water onto the head, face, and neck of the departing IDK, who immediately sprouts hair everywhere the bubbling brew lands-

**#21**- -continues the girley-voice puppy routine ad nauseum-

**TwilightDragon- -**enjoying attention-

**IDontKnow**- -Thinks- '_I cant take this anymore!_'

-bites down on right side molar and releases a special suicide pill-

GULP -IDK thrashes about for three seconds and becomes very still-

I knew watching all those James Bond movies would come in handy someday.

-eyes become set-

This is the end GOODBYE CRUEL FAECLONES

-Thinking better of it with his last strength IDK bites down on another molar and swallows the antidote to the poison of the suicide pill-

I suppose being tied up and coated with itching powder isn't sssssso bad...

-Proposes marriage to Faeclones #44 60 72 108 and 119-

**Faeclones #44 60 72 108 and 119**- -being proposed too-

**SakuraSango- -**goes over to IDK 'n whacks him- perv...ask one at a time at least...

**TwilightDragon- **...where am I?

**IDontKnow**- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-mallet shaped lump appears on head, making jingle hair jangle-

Like the Calypso look, SakuraSango?

Yes all these faeclones would make wonderful receptacles for my children...unfortunately I am too old for that sort of thing, so I think I shall stick to shrinking them.

-goes over to FaeClone #144- you like a demon with lumps don't u?

**faewillow**- -forced back into character by swarming FaeClones-

Whoa, which one of you has the cloning device? I distinctly remember making only 99 of you...

**Clones #15, 36, 42, 58, 89, and 93**- -all point at each other, grinning-

**Faewillow**- Uh-oh...

**FaeClone #21**- -wanders by, still baby talking to the TwilightBeagle puppy, on whom she has put a collar with a name tag that says "Fuzzy Wuzzums" on it-

**FaeClones #44 60 72 and 119**- -get into a knock-down, drag-out fight, each accusing the others of man-stealing-

**FaeClones #108 & 144-** -watch with great amusement as FaeClone #69 lifts the semi-suicidal subject of the fight over one shoulder and disappears into one of the beach houses-

( Suddenly, forty IDK clones spill out the door of that beach house )

**Faewillow**- O.O

Oh...kay...

-clasps hands behind back & wanders away, whistling some unknown tune, pretending not to know ANY of the clones-

**SakuraSango**- IDK I love the hair...

-shakes her head like crazy- YAY!!! No more blonde jokes...they were gettin sooo old...

-looks at the clone mess- Oh man I knew that a free trip to Bermuda was too good to be true...

-sees cloning device 'n grabs it-

-tinkers with it 'n aims it at the twilight-beagle 'n fires-

-20 beagle clones appear- Uhhhh...yeah right that was not supposed to happen...ummmm I'll be goin now...

-watches as the 20 beagles turn into 40- Yeah I'm goin now...

-hands the cloning device to a bikini clad Naraku- Be a good boy...

**TwilightDragon- -**all of...well...me, rip off the faeclones pants, and finds something surprising-

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

-each of them has a...thing on their crouch.-

**IDontKnow- -**cannot get over how handsome the clones of himself are...let's see-

-awakens from a delirium to discover he is being carried by a FaeClone- hmmm this could be fun.

( suddenly, the front door to the beach house is opened and eleventy-million IDK clones come spilling out )

**IDontKnow**- What's been going on here??? OH!!!!!!!!!!!!

-upon entering the house IDK sees thirty nine other faeclones with big, satisfied smiles on their faces :)-

IDK finds himself thrown bodily onto a bed-

**FaeClone**- -says seductively- Now, you are going to make me VERY happy aren't you???

**FaeClone69**- -whips out a syrrette of Sodium Pentathol and sticks it in IDK-

NOW, TELL ME WHERE THE CLONING DEVICE IS?

WHERE IS IT!

MUST HAVE IT!

I WANT IT NOW!

**Other FaeClones**- -Quite unaware that IDK is being interrogated mercilessly, they puzzle over what they are hearing in the beach house-

-All assume that IDK is finally having the time of his life LOL-

( Just as IDK is about to crack, 40 widdle beagle puppies burst through the door, two of them coming to rest on IDK's head, one chewing on a jingle bell )

**IDontKnow**- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Oh, and the thing of which TwilightBeagle speaks, is a tag that says DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF THE LAW

**TwilightDragon- **I'm bored, soo...

-starts singing-

Rolling around at the speed of sound,

Got places to go, gotta follow my rainbow.

Can't stick around, have to keep moving on,

Guess what lies ahead, only one way to find out!

Must keep on moving ahead,

No time for guessing, follow my plan instead.

Trusting in what you can't see,

Take my lead I'll set you free.

Follow me, set me free,

Trust me and we will escape from the city.

I'll make it through, follow me.

Follow me, set me free,

Trust me and we will escape from the city.

I'll make it through prove it to you.

Follow me!

Oh yeah!

**SakuraSango**- -runs till she sees a souvenir shop- Ohhh shoppin...that'll make me feel better...

-pulls out IDK's Visa- Shoppin spree...-goes in 'n starts to shop like crazy-...

**FaeClone #21**- -shouts at the beagles- Bad puppies!

-#21 grabs a local newspaper, rolls it up, & begins swatting puppy butt-

**FaeClone #69- -**upon the entrance of a yipping horde of beagle puppies & FaeClone #21, decides to give up her interrogation of IDK and wanders off in search of the cloning device-

**Naraku- -**fiddling with the piece of (to him) unknown technology, bumps into Yura and Sesshomaru who are walking together on the beach. Naraku, Yura and Sess bump heads, spattering blood into the device just as bird poop containing some kind of seeds falls into it. Naraku drops the cloning device on its activation button. Several clones, each part Naraku, part Yura, part Sesshomaru, and part tropical flower, spring forth from the cloning device.-

**FaeClone #128**- -seeing the bizarre new clones, chases Naraku down- Give me that!

-then grabs the device and runs away-

**SakuraSango**- -comes back from the store-

Hey guys found stuff for all of u...-holds up 25 bags-...

-looks around 'n notices all of the new clones including the Naraku-Yura-flower ones-

-scratches her head- Yeah right...

-grabs a camera- No one's gonna believe this vacation unless I get pics...

-screams over the hundreds of clones-

SMILE!!!!

-takes the pic 'n watches as every clone doubles-

-grabs the cloning device 'n sees a warning label- Do not expose clones to flashes of any type-

Great timin...

**IDontKnow- -**goes off to the post office where he finds a $19,244,136,142,188.02 bill awaiting him from anxious VISA folks-

IDK writes out a check for two cents and mails it-

-As he is leaving the post office IDK notices a strange plant, following him-

-flips through horticultural dictionary-

I christen thee Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae

-Just as the real (and now bankrupt)IDK is about to spray the plant with industrial strength weed killer, one of the faeclones shows up-

**FaeClone**- You and I could make some beautiful music together you know!

**IDontKnow**- Okay Fae -checks tag on the back of her neck- #964 be right with u.

-Before IDK can get ready for his encounter with the clone, he rips up the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae and throws it in his cauldron which is slowly simmering-

( After following the FaeClone into the woods fully expecting to 'make beautiful music' with this vision of loveliness, IDK is stunned to see a Trombone flying at him. Catching the instrument, he attaches the slide as FaeClone produces a trumpet and begins to play )

**IDontKnow**- -begins to sing-

I GOT THOSE OLD BERMUDA BLUES I'M SO LOW I LOOK UP JUST TO SEE MY SHOES

**FaeClone**- -goes into a blues-ey rip-

**IDontKnow**- YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, MY LIVE IS VERY HARRRRRRRRRRRRRD CAUSE IT AIN'T EASY BEING THE WORLDS FIRST CLONED, GENETICALLY ALTERED, SINGING BARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!

**Faewillow- **Hmmm... well, I played the cornet when I was ten...

**FaeClone #964**- -suddenly breaks into the opening from In The Mood, pausing at the end of the opening for the other instruments to come in-

**Crickets**- -chirping can be heard everywhere-

**Pin**- -dropping can be heard everywhere-

**FaeClone #964**- Fine -takes off into a by-ear trumpet rendition of Summertime

**IDontKnow- -**doing a fine imitation of Ella Fitzgerald- SUMMERTIME, AND THE LIVIN' IS EASY...I DON'T KNOW, ALL THE WORDS TO THIS SONNNNNNG. ALL I KNOW, IS THAT I LIIIIIIKE BERMUDA, BUT NARRRRRRRAAAAAKU LOOKS SO STRANGE IN A THONG!

**Naraku- -**walks by in a thong- AAAAAAAAAH Shaddup!

**IDontKnow**- -realizes he is developing a crush on FC #964-

**SakuraSango**- -walking writhing in pain-

Oh God what is that horrible sound??? It feels like my eardrums r gonna burst at any sec...

-looks 'n sees IDK with his arm raised screeching at a higher pitched note-

-runs 'n snatches the Tetsuiga-

Hey IDK -slashes a tree- stop torturing the poor tourists with your voice...understand???

-holds the Tetsuiga up-

**IDontKnow- **Hey Fae baby Launch me with another riff will ya?

I GOT THE SAKURASANGO BLUES,

SHE SWINGS HER MALLET AT MY HEAD, AND IT HURTS DOWN TO MY SHOOES!

THAT GIRL'S SO MEAN TO ME! LET ME TELL YOU THE NEWWWWWS,

IT HURTS FOR ME TO TELL Y'ALL, BUT I GOT THOSE SAKURASANGO BLUES!

**FaeClone #944**- -adds a nice touch with the drums as all of the Twilight Dragon Beagle puppies begin to howl and the IDKClones clap wildly-

**IDKClones**- -begin to throw money at our feet in the form of change-

**IDontKnow**- WOW if this keeps up I will have enough to pay off the Visa People!

Uh, where did u guys get all this change?

**IDKClone #8- **We robbed the first national bank of Bermuda!

**IDontKnow**- -upon hearing this news, runs and hides behind the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant-

**SakuraSango**- -watches as IDK hides- Hmmm wonder what got into him? Oh well...

-hears sirens 'n looks up-

-a police officer walks up to her- Excuse me have u seen this man...

-holds up a pic of IDK-

-looks at IDK as he begs her to not turn him in-

decides to be nice- besides he still has a MasterCard she can use-

Yep officer...-points to the bikini clad Naraku- That's him right there...

-watches as Naraku is dragged off-

Good that sight was gettin a little disturbing to watch any longer...there's somethin wrong about bikini clad evil villains...Now to get that MasterCard

**TwilightDragon- **WHEN WILL I GO BACK TO HUMAN?????? WHAA!!!!

-starts crying-

**FaeClone #21- -**picks up the sobbing TwilightBeagle puppy and attempts to console him with puppy treats. When this doesn't work, she runs to Faewillow, yelling- Mom, what's wrong with Fuzzy Wuzzums?

**Faewillow**- O.O

Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that!!! You poor thing...

-sprinkles faerie dust on the puppy's head & mutters quietly-

-With a flash of light, TwilightBeagle disappears, replaced by TwilightDragon in human form-

-All the TwilightBeagle clones follow suit-

**FaeClone #21**- -terribly upset at the loss of her pet, runs sobbing & wailing down the beach, stopping all of this suddenly to pick up a turtle, which she promptly names "Shelly," and begins talking to it in that girly, silly manner- Awwww... what a cute widdo turtow wurdow...

( FaeClone #944 is joined by other faeclones: #69, (who is taller than all the other clones), #101 (with coke-bottle glasses), #501 (dressed in all denim), and #666 (who is dressed all in black and pierced in several places). The group builds a stage & a windmill/generator, plug in their instruments & amps, and begin a concert, starting with The House of the Rising Sun )

**IDontKnow- -**unable to resist joins in- IT'S BEEN THE RUIN OF MANY A POOR BOY, AND GOD, I KNOW, I'M ONE

-goes to pet store with the offending MasterCard taped to his (the ultimate protection for it LOL) to buy FaeClone #21 a new puppy.-

Hmmmm -chooses a Saint Bernard-

-As he is lugging this beast out of the store he sees about a thousand Bermuda Cops escorting a thong-clad demon off to jail-

Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye IDK

-Hands the Saint Bernard to FC #21- Here is a gift for Milady

**TwilightDragon- -**blows up all the cops with newly retrieved Tetsusaiga-

You have no idea how good it feel to be at normal height. Now IDK, payback for something you've done that I have forgotten of!

-points sword at IDK-

**IDontKnow- **Uh Twilight Dragon IT WASNT ME IN POLICE CUSTODY, IT WAS NARAKU!!!!!!!!!!!

**Naraku**- -Thong-wearin' super villain skulks off into the woods-

**IDontKnow**- I remember very well the jail break from about - oh thirty pages ago though, as a blonde you would've been kinda cute, but the five o'clock shadow was a dead give-away! excuse me.

-Calls out to FaeClone #666- do me a favor, will you, and find some way to abuse Twilight Dragon for letting Naraku loose on society again

**Naraku**- -At that moment, a very drunk and very deranged Naraku is lap-dancing with the Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant as a prop-

( In the audience are about eleventy dozen IDKClones and SakuraSango )

( Suddenly Inner Circle's Bad Boys starts blaring from giant overhead speakers, and SakuraSango cocks her mallet )

**SakuraSango**- -looks over 'n sees the lap dancing Naraku 'n screams- OMG MY EYES!!!

-runs over 'n starts whacking the bikini clad Naraku till he's squished-

Man now I'm gonna haveta find some kinda amnesia ray...

-goes off in search of an amnesia ray-

**FaeClone #**21- -On receipt of her new puppy, squeals with joy, bear hugs IDK with the dog at face level, and runs off to teach it to play catch, missing all of the action-

**Band- -**continues as if nothing had happened until IDK's request for FaeClone #666's um, help-

**FaeClone666**- Hmmm, possibilities...

**FaeClone501**- Number 666, don't you even think about it! No abusing of underage demons...

**FaeClone#666- **Oh yeah, right...

**Group**- -throws Naraku off the stage-

**Naraku**- -lands on TwilightDragon, knocking the sword from his hands. It lands several

feet away.

**TwilightDragon**- -landed on-

**Band**- -goes back to the music, playing Walkin' the Dog (ancient Aerosmith) and following up with Wild Thing-

( 45 police officers arrive, looking for the guy who blew up their brothers-in-arms )

**I#69**- -pointing to Naraku- That's him, officers. I saw it with my own eyes. He was resisting arrest. Careful, he was armed with a sword...

**Officers**- -arrest the confused demon, dragging him away with cuffed hands and feet.-

**Naraku- -**confused and being arrested**-**

**Band**- -...and the band plays on...-

**IDontKnow- -**IDK jumps from the stage and comes up to FC #501 and whispers in her ear-

( After thinking about it the band strikes up KEY LARGO and IDK and FC #69 begin a slow dance around the floor )

**Band**- WE HAD IT ALL

JUST LIKE BOGEY AND BECALL

STARRING IN OUR OWN LATE-LATE SHOW

JUST LIKE THEY DID IN KEY LARGO

**IDontKnow**- -proves to be good at dancing, but in the process of twirling FC, he trips and in a domino effect knocks over forty IDKClones, the last of which hits SakuraSango so hard that her mallet goes flying through the air like the sledgehammer in the Apple Commercial of 1984 and hits Faewillow square on the head-

**Faewillow**- -falls over and faerie dust and everything from her dimensional pocket spills out resulting in Chaos-

.o

Ow

-sits up & looks around-

-Sneezes, then grabs back of head, muttering in a language you don't understand-

-Several clones transform into bizarre creatures, and strange lights fill the air-

-notices I #33-

Um, who are you? You look familiar...

**I #33**- Uh-oh...

**Band** ...and the band plays on... next song: What Condition My Condition Was In (I think that's what it was called) by Kenny Rogers (I think), then Existential Blues by T-Bone-

**Faewillow**- -looks around-

Where am I, and who are you people?

**IDontKnow- -**As a three headed scaly green FaeClone runs by chasing someone, IDK gets up-

What happened? OWWWWWWWW

-having shielded FaeClone #69 from the worst of the fallout, IDK takes her hand and runs to the stage-

-grabbing the amnesiac progenitor of the clones, IDK throws her over his shoulder and runs for the exit just as a black hole opens on the floor in front of him-

-taking the very last grains of the faerie dust from the vial on pg 19 (I think it was) IDK sprinkles the dust on the original Faewillow and whispers almost to himself-

I hope this cures amnesia, please let this cure amnesia

( reaching the exit, IDK sees SakuraSango smashing Twilight Dragon into the ground for no reason. )

**SakuraSango**- IF YOU HADNT RELEASED THAT THONG-WEARIN' FORCE OF EVIL NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!!!!!!

**IDontKnow**- -DIVERTS HIS EYE AS A PARTICULARLY VICIOUS WHACK LANDS ON DA HEAD that's gonna leave a mark.

( suddenly a creature which looked to be part Tyrannosaurus Rex, part Beagle, and part Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae plant appears and begins to chase IDK back toward the black hole )

**IDontKnow**- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!


	8. Chapter 7

**SakuraSango**- -holds up a broken mallet- Darn hard head -throws it behind her-

-looks up 'n sees IDK being chased by a monster- O.o Yeeeaaah Riiiiight...

-shakes her head 'n looks across the beach-

Oh that's it...-grabs a camera 'n starts to flash pics at every thing-

I'm goin to have some proof for when I get back home...(for some reason every time I call them to tell how vacation's goin they talk about white rooms 'n special docs...)

-sees somethin glowing 'n notices that Faewillow's head is glowing-

Ummm IDK what did u do???

-after gettin no answer she looks 'n sees a cornered IDK sucking his thumb 'n crying- -sighs-

-.-

-goes over with her plunger 'n whacks the monster thing-

**Band- -**playing Ballroom Blitz-

with each flash of SakuraSango's camera, new mutations take place in the surrounding clones 

**Plunger**- -hits IDK's monster on the nose-

**Monster**- -eyes get really big, then he sits down beside IDK and begins to sob piteously (and loudly), dropping huge, quart-sized teardrops on IDK's head-

**IDontKnow's frolicking follicles**- -begin to dance the Macarena-

( a whistling sound comes from the black hole )

**Faewillow**- O.O

Can't let this sit around... some one could get hurt...

-picks up still tiny black hole & puts it in a mason jar containing several other time and space anomalies. Jar is labeled Keep Out Of Reach of Mundanes (non-magical beings)-

Whew... that's better.

-stuffs jar in non-portal pocket-

-looks around at the surrounding chaos-

Why does this happen everywhere I go?

-removes vial lid-

-more muttering-

-brightly colored FaeGlow expands outward, filling the area, and some of the mutations begin to reverse as the faerie dust flies back into the empty vial-

-As the glow dies down, most things appear to have returned to normal, (except for the huge, sobbing monster in the corner with IDK and his now quiet hair-

( Suddenly, two really small, winged humanoid creatures arrive )

**Creature 1**- -looks around and produces a badge too small for anyone to read-

**Creature 2**- -tiny, high voice- All right, who is responsible for all of this?"

**Faewillow**- -hides vial of faerie dust behind her back-

-pointing to Naraku, being dragged off by the police-

That guy did it!!!

**IDontKnow- -**drowning in the tears of the monster-

-begins to sob and sing POOR, POOR, PITTIFUL ME-

-Head pounding unmercifully, IDK remembers that MUNDANES was a slang term for non-telepaths on Babylon 5-

SakuraSango did TRY to save me, but she became too concerned for her own proof of sanity to worry about me and started taking pictures -sob- in real life who could make stuff like this up?

-looks at the crying monster- you and I are in the same boat kid.

-One of the small winged creatures flies over to IDK and asks if the creature on the floor is indeed Naraku-

Yes, he is uh, officer.

**Creature 2**- Yeah, that's right, officer. Joe Friday by name, and I just want the fax.

**IDontKnow**- -mistakenly understanding what the little guy said, IDK points to the office and says that there might be a fax in there-

**Creature 2**- -The small, winged, humanoid creature immediately arrests IDK and claps him in irons for making fun of his name and misleading an official inquiry.

**IDontKnow**- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

**Faewillow- -**sigh-

You guys, that isn't Naraku!

-directs the little officers to the demon, still in the custody of the local authorities-

THAT is Naraku.

By the way, remind me again, what is your jurisdiction? And what is the charge, anyway?

**Creature 1**- We are the Physics Police, ma'am.

**Creature 2**- Several physics and time statutes have been violated here, along with apparent use of faerie dust by unlicensed carriers.

**Faewillow**- O.O

Oh... well, that's yer guy.

-quietly unlocking IDK's bonds and shuffling him behind the band-

**Band**- -playing I Shot The Sheriff-

**Faewillow**- Yup, everything here is Naraku's doing. Definitely.

-watches as Naraku is stuffed into the physics paddy wagon, next to Captain Kirk from Star Trek, and his engineer, Scotty, who is muttering under his breath, "I told him. Time and again I told the cap'n, ye canna change the laws of physics..."

**Naraku**- Shut up. -snarls as the door slams beside him and the physics police drive their tiny wagon through a wormhole to who knows where

**Faewillow**- U Whew!

-putting away Faerie dust license-

Glad I didn't have to show that... the picture on it is terrible!

**FaeClone # 45**- -approaches and asks Faewillow- Can you fix my tag? It's stuck to the back of my bikini.

**Faewillow**- Straightening tag-

What does this say?

Expires 04/24/2004

Expires... expires? Oh, crap!

Well... guess nothing lasts forever

-sits down on the beach-

**IDontKnow**- -wonders what the combination of Faerie Dust, time distortions, and the bending if not the breaking of several of the laws of Physics has done to the outside world. Suddenly the band strikes up the theme from 2001 A Space Odyssey-

( In walks a two headed Albert Einstein wearing an aloha shirt with a whoopie cushion strapped to his butt )

**Head 1**- "Ov ahl da zdupid qweshtions in da vorld.

**Head 2**- "Ja. He doesn't really vant to know.

**IDontKnow**- -gasps- I want my mommy -sucks his thumb- I don't think I want to go back home now.

( suddenly the monster licks IDK on the head, and looks pathetic )

**IDontKnow**- what's wrong?

**Monster- -**whines like a beagle

**IDontKnow**- Hey, somebody forgot to water the Tyrannosaurus this morning!

-wonders if he should give the monster water to drink or sprinkle the plant with it-

And to think all I wanted was a woman to boil

**SakuraSango**- Yeah well I guess we can own Bermuda now...I mean with bikini clad

Naraku's, t-rex's, clones, 'n plant clone monsters who's gonna want to

come...

**FaeClone #91**- -waters the plant monster-

( all of the clones gather together around the band, which is playing Pump Up The Volume. A huge clone party begins )

**The band- -**now including a couple of IDKClones & two of those plant thingies, continues on with Look at Little Sister followed by Brick House, Walk This Way, and a bunch of other songs-

( Suddenly one of the two heads of Albert Einstein whispers in the ear of FaeClone 501 and the band strikes up Three Dog Night's MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO COME )

Einstein heads- Did I tell you dat u kood requvest a zong? Said the other head. No.

you didn't, but I love dat zong! Vell, I didn't tell you that you could requvest it.

-Einstein storms off in heated debate with himself-

**IDontKnow**- -now doing a modified version of the Brooklyn Stomp (think the Charlston on Prozac) suddenly stops-

Why is the Tyrannobeagle plant growing exponentially in size?

( As the party begins to wind down, the band plays Free Bird. )

**FaeClone #999**- -reaches into the Pocket of Holding and pulls out a door sized mirror-

**FC#101**- We have to go. We've reached our expiration date.

**FC#18- **Don't worry... we'll be just on the other side...

**Faewillow**- What about the Tyrannobeagle?

**One of the less mutated Narakus Amarylis Sessyura Rosaceae Clones- **Just water it.

-then proceeds to dump a huge bucket of water on the beast, which shrinks back to its normal size-

**Faewillow**- What? Where are you going?! What would happen if you just stayed?

**FC#666- -**coming down off the stage- bad things, mom.

( All of the clones walk into the mirror, one at a time, as if the glass were liquid. )

**Faewillow**- O.O

WAIT!

-Chasing after the last clone, bumps into mirror surface & bounces back onto the beach-

-Watches reflection, actually FC#501, waving goodbye-

TT

**The mirror**- -says- Don't forget to tape Inuyasha tonight!!!

**Faewillow**- ... oh yeah, gotta program my VCR...

Puts Mirror back in pocket of holding

Pulls out Faerie dust for one last use

Anyone wanna fly back with me?

**The 2-headed Einstein- -**wanders through, still arguing about the song.-

"What happened to ze band?" The request head asks.

"Who cares?" answers the other head. Einstein climbs up onto the stage and begins playing the drums-

**Naraku**- -wanders by in his thong-

**Faewillow**- HEY! What are you doing here? The Physics Police arrested you!!

**Naraku**- Oh, That was just one of my clones... hope he made it to a mirror...

-Naraku grins madly, climbs up onto the stage, and begins playing the guitar. The guitar completely hides his thong. This looks worse than being able to see it.-

**Faewillow**- That's it... I'm going home.

-Sprinkles IDK with faerie dust-

You're in charge of return flight now...

-Sprinkles self and flies back to Ohio to prepare VCR for tonight-

**IDontKnow**- -before departing IDK, tear in his eye, picks up SakuraSango's Malicious Mallet, now broken, and sticks its head in his carryall bag.-

Gotta have a souvenir of the trip!

Should we try to return Bermuda to normal before we leave Fae? Or should we leave it like it is?

**The Tyrannobeagle**- whines and begs and pleads to come along-

**IDontKnow**- -pats the beast on the head, eyes tearing up again-

You can't come back to the real world with me. This is your place and your time, but Albert and Albert will take good care of you. -IDK sobs-

-Then busts out laughing- The tourists who come to this place from now on are in for a Big Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SakuraSango**- -grabs her camera- 1 last pic before I leave...

**( everyone that's left gathers together )**

**SakuraSango**- Well I guess Bermuda will never be the same again...gotta get home 'n drink tons 'n tons of soda so can stay up 'n see IY...

X-X-X-

Well, hope everyone liked our little story... we'll probably go nuts like this again the next time Cartoon Network pulls our favorite show... oh, well. Whaddaya expect from a bunch of Anime nerds (or geeks - which are we?)

By the way, the Tyrannobeagle has, of late, been constantly asking to be fed by some guy named Seymore. Anyone out there know a Seymore?

-faewillow

Anyways here's the end. Now remember if your ever in Bermuda don't wear thongs (if you're a man or demon), never use flash photography on the clones and please, please water the exotic plants. Till next time...........

X-X-X-

Please review if you feel like it or not. It doesn't matter to me. I just put this up so that everyone could see our wacky story...


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